White Noise
by Quarried Times
Summary: My name is Mello and I hate stupid striped shirts and dumb ass goggles. But...I'm starting to love the person behind them.- MattxMello, Yaoi, AU
1. Fire

**A/N: So I've been looking around this site and really...haven't found any MxM fics that I like and that upset me. So, I figured that if I couldn't find one that I liked, I'd just have to write my own! Really, I don't have much of an idea where this fic is going, I just know it's going to have Matt and Mello in it. If you wanna read it with that in mind then go right ahead! I'd very appreciate it if you gave me some feed back. I honestly have never written any other fanfiction besides for Kingdom Hearts, so this is kind of a stretch for me. Let me know if everyone is up to par, yeah? Anyways, enough of the ramblings from me. Please enjoyyy~  
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******White Noise-**

**Chapter One; Fire**

* * *

"Mello?"

Did someone say my name…? "…"

"_Mello_." Something hit the side of my arm, sending pain to erupt through it. "Get up. Everyone's already gone."

God that voice was annoying as hell and so damn loud. "Go the fuck away…" I mumbled through my teeth.

Silence and then…"You are such a pain."

Yeah…that must have been Near. That little prick. Didn't he understand the pain I was in?

"I can't…move…" I told him in all honesty. I was weak and my head was pounding like a drum. I wasn't about to get up, let alone move an inch.

"I am so sick of you passing out in my house."

Then maybe you shouldn't have me over your house, dumbass.

"Fine. Sleep on the floor. See if I care. I'm going to bed."

The footsteps faded away and I heaved a heavy sigh. It was still dark outside I noticed, but it felt like I had slept for hours. Or…maybe it didn't. Was I still high…?

I don't even remember what I took. The only thing I did remember was that Misa had brought it and only me, her and Mikami had taken some. Did I smoke it…? Or…maybe I swallowed it. I didn't remember and I didn't really care. The only thing I did care about was getting out of this house. I hated Near. And even though I felt like shit, I didn't want to be anywhere alone with him. Even if he had gone upstairs.

So with a body that felt like cement and my head still throbbing, I lifted myself off the floor and used the side of the couch to help myself stand straight. My legs were wobbly and I instantly regretted standing. It hurt my head even worse. Maybe sleeping on the floor wasn't such a bad idea…

No. Near was an asshole and it was awkward as hell to know that I'd be sleeping in his house. With that thought in my head, I grabbed my jacket and somehow made my way to the door. When I stepped outside I heard birds chirping and that pissed me off. I hated birds and I hated being awake when they were being they're stupid bird selves.

I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths, searching my pockets for any spare chocolate. Yes, I was addicted to chocolate. Most people smoked cigarettes, which I did from time to time. But instead of smoking all the time, I usually ate chocolate when I was upset or needed release. It was the same concept though most of my friends just laughed at me. Misa was always confused as to how I kept my figure when I ate so much chocolate. I think she was just jealous.

I didn't really understand it either myself though.

My left pocket had half of a bar left and I instantly started biting off pieces of the sugary goodness. The walk home didn't take as long as I thought it would, which I was glad for. And once again I came home to an empty apartment. I bet you're wondering where my parents were. Well, I was wondering the same damn thing every day of my life.

My dad left my mom and I basically right after I was born. I guess the responsibility of raising a child with a woman he didn't really love got the better of him, so he ran off pretty quickly. I didn't think much of him; honestly I hated the man for his very existence. That fucker had ruined my life. And it wasn't just my life that he ruined either. When I was twelve years old, my mother tried to commit suicide. She set our house on fire and planned to take me with it. She'd always told me before that that I had been a mistake and that I only reminded her so much of her lover. I figured she hated me even more than I hated him. She hated my existence.

Though much to her dismay, the fire didn't kill either of us. But it did leave us both scarred. Her whole left arm was seared; I remember that they had to amputate it. I wasn't as bad as her, but my body was never the same. The left side of my face had third degree burns, as well as most of the left side of my neck, arm and my rib cage. I guess that after that, she couldn't even look at me. It was like she was so mad that she hadn't killed me and just seeing me in a deformed state made her despise me that much more.

After seven long months in the hospital and becoming more and more detached to my own mother, I decided that I didn't need her anymore. My mom went to court and confessed to setting the house ablaze. I'm pretty sure she was put in prison—that was the last time I saw her. As for me, I was placed with a foster family for a while, but I hated that even more than living with my mother. I bought a small, two story apartment with the money given to me by the state and what little money that my mother had in her bank account. I've been living on my own since I was thirteen.

I also gave myself a new name after everything was over and done with. I figured that since my parents were pretty much dead to me, that I didn't need the name they had given me. Mihael Keehl disappeared that day, along with my parents. The only one left behind was Mello.

You're probably feeling sorry for me at this point. Probably thinking what a poor little kid, having been put through all of that at such a young age. Pitying me. That's what you're doing. Well stop. Because I don't fucking need it. And I sure as hell don't want it.

I threw my jacket onto the couch and my head felt foggy. After popping a few Advil I went straight to my room and curled up under the blankets, not even bothering to take off my leather pants or my black shirt. The clock read 4:45am but again I didn't care. I'd really had enough of being awake anyways.

**XxX**

I didn't wake up the next morning. I woke up that afternoon. My hazy eyes read the clock once again and I almost thought of just sleeping the whole day away. About ready to fall back asleep, my phone started ringing. I sent a glare towards it but picked it up anyway.

"Mello here."

"_Where are you_?" It was Light's voice.

I looked at the clock again and finally realized just how late it was. Well shit.

"Sorry, I was sleeping."

"_Should we stop waiting for you then_?" he sounded a little upset. Though this was kind of a regular thing with me so I'm sure he wasn't very surprised.

"No, keep waiting." I sat up and rushed to the bathroom. "I'm gunna shower. I've already packed. Can you pick me up in like…half an hour?"

He sighed; I could hear Misa talking in the background. I figured that they were all already ready for the trip, probably at Light's house waiting on my lazy ass. "_Yeah, just hurry up. We were supposed to all leave two hours ago._"

"Thanks for not leaving without me."

"_Yeah, yeah. Misa insisted that we didn't_." His voice sounded distant, as if he was really talking to the girl and not me.

"Good thing that girl likes me for some reason."

"_Misa likes anyone who isn't trying to get with me,_" he admitted.

I grinned a little, hearing her voice a little louder now. "I'll be ready in thirty minutes. Just text me when you get here."

"_Kay, see you then_."

I hung up and quickly showered. My hands traveled along my scars, my eyes turning distant. They were so ugly and so…_there_. They reminded me of my mother. Reminded me of fire. Of being trapped and alone and so fucking scared…

My hand gripped my forehead and I leaned against the tiled wall of the shower. The water was hot so I turned it all the way to blue. The freezing water had a better effect on me. I hated heat. Hated fire. Hated anything to do with it.

When I finished showering I changed into some tight black skinny jeans and my favorite zippered jacket. Of course I didn't wear anything underneath it though. I never did. That was how I liked it anyways.

Before leaving I looked at myself in the mirror for once. My eyes were really blue but very lost and tired. It was as if I hadn't slept a wink. I had straight, blond hair that was usually described as yellow by most people. It really just depended on the lighting in my opinion. I liked it though. It was longer than I'd ever had it; kind of framing my face but it still was pretty close to touching my shoulders. My bangs were really uneven, most falling into my face, but that's how I wanted it. I wanted my hair to cover my face, especially the left part of it. I figured that with the hair in the way, my scar didn't look so terrible. I liked to think that way at least.

Besides for my face, my body was pretty thin. I looked almost girlish with my figure, though my arms were toned, at least there was that. I narrowed my eyes at my reflection and stuck my tongue out a little at it, furrowing my eyebrows. I really hated how I looked, I don't even know why I kept mirrors around.

With averted eyes, I walked over to my bed and sat down; staring at my phone I waited for Light or someone else to call me.

Five minutes passed by and then I got a text from Light, saying they were outside. I only had one bag, albeit pretty large, it wasn't like we were staying there for more than a week. I lugged the heavy thing down the stairs and waved a little when I saw Light and Misa in the front seat of his Buick Enclave. The car was band new and large enough for all of us to fit in comfortably. At least we could count on Light for having such things. And that wasn't his only car either; the guy had at least two others.

Light was kind of an excessive guy to begin with though. He was the smartest person I knew, aside from Near…and L, who really was _the_ smartest person I knew. Light was spoiled and doted on by his rich parents but I didn't hate the guy. We were actually pretty good friends. I liked to think of us as such anyways.

"Mello!" Misa reached her hand out the window and smiled at me. Her make-up was a little obnoxious today but I didn't say anything. This was Misa-Misa we were talking about. The up and coming model that was as sensitive as a two year old. I knew that I could make fun of her but to a certain extent. Especially when she was intoxicated, oh I'd totally say shit when she drunk or something.

I waved again at her, even though I just had as I dragged my suitcase to the back of the car. The hatch back opened before I had the chance to, almost smacking me in the face. "Thanks, asshole!" I yelled, hoping Light would hear.

I think I saw him smirk in the rearview mirror.

When I got into the back seat I let out a small sigh, looking around at everyone who was attending the trip.

"Hello, Mello." The dark haired L was sitting next to me, no seat belt on and his shoes placed on the floor beneath him. His feet were up on the seat, knees next to his chin he smiled at me and I nodded my head a little at him. Even though L was a little strange and had weird habits, it didn't bother me one bit. If you thought about it, every single person in our group was the exact same way.

I glared suddenly when I saw Near on the other side of L, the same white attire attached to his body as always. His equally white hair was almost blinding in the sunlight. I really hated his hair and his…face.

"Good morning, Mello. Get enough sleep?" he asked, twirling a strand of hair around his finger like he always did. That was another thing that pissed me off about him. Did he really have to play with his hair like that? It was creepy as hell.

I didn't reply to him, instead I flipped him off and turned my attention to the front seat. Misa was smiling at me in the rearview mirror and she turned around as soon as I had looked at her. "Are we all ready for this epic trip to begin?" she shouted, pumping a fist into the air, almost hitting it on the ceiling of the car.

"Don't shout, Misa," Light scolded her while pulling out of the driveway.

She pouted a little and narrowed her eyes at the brunet boy. I sometimes kind of wished I knew what the hell those two were doing. Misa loved Light, even a blind person could see that. But Light…he didn't really have anything but indifference for the peppy blonde. She'd constantly be attached to him, as if by some other worldly force. But he didn't really seem to care. Misa called Light her boyfriend, but I'm pretty sure that Light just called Misa annoying.

"It's not like there's a sleeping baby in here, Light!" she shouted again.

"Yes, but I'm trying to drive, so try and be quiet." I could tell he was getting upset, sometimes he snapped at her, yelling even more than Misa did. I just sat back and watched as if it was some kind of drama-filled reality show. Sometimes when they didn't fight, I found things to be a bit boring.

"Mello? You got home okay last night, right? I'm sorry I couldn't take you home, no one could seem to get you to wake up!" She gesticulated a lot. For some reason I was really observant today.

I shrugged a little and leaned back in my seat, my shoulder just barley brushing L's. "It's fine. Near had the courtesy to kick me awake."

Said boy grinned, I could see that out of the corner of my eye and Misa's eyes went wide. "Awe, Near! You shouldn't be so mean to Mello. Why don't you guys get along…?" she looked pretty sad, but she was a model. She was trained to give false looks just like that.

My eyes drifted towards the very white boy sitting beside L and I laughed a little. "Near and I will never get along. Because he won't ever stop being an ass."

Near suddenly spoke up, closing his eyes as he talked, "I really don't understand it either, Misa. I think Mello and I could be great friends. Maybe if _he _would stop being such an ass."

I gritted my teeth together; I wanted to punch that stupid grin of his stupid face so badly. No one ever let me though. Whenever I tried jumping at him, Light or someone would hold me back. It wasn't fair. I had to be around this guy because everyone else was friends with him but did anyone stop and think of my feelings even once? Maybe I was just over thinking everything but I wished that it could just be the four of us, minus the albino asshole.

"Well whatever the reasons, I think that you guys should try and get along, for the sake of the group. Right, Light?" Misa turned towards the boy in question and he just frowned.

"Mello and Near probably will never get along, Misa. That's just how it is."

Light was a really straight forward person, which was what I liked about him. He didn't beat around the bush with people. If he didn't like you, he'd tell you.

Though he seemed to have a problem with Misa. Maybe the problem was the girl in the first place. No matter how many times he told her he didn't like her that way, she just never stopped. Maybe she hoped that someday she could win his love somehow, if that was even possible. I felt kind of bad for her but at the same time I didn't. It wasn't like she was ugly or anything; she could easily find some other guy to annoy.

Misa grew silent after being shot down by Light and my mind started drifting to a far off place where there was no Misa and no Near. Especially no Near. I pretended that he wasn't there. After a while of silence Misa turned on some music and the rest of the drive was spent listening to Light's instrumental CDs.

**XxX**

Three hours of driving later, we had finally arrived at our destination. Everyone's eyes settled on the lake and cabins that were set out in front of us. It was a pretty gorgeous place, even I thought that.

Everyone got out of the car and began unloading our luggage. One of the cabins was ours for the five days that we planned on staying. They were all lined up in a row along the lake, some closer to the lake than the others but none too close to the other cabins. I guess that Light's parents had set most of this up for all of us. I didn't even think that his parents liked me. Maybe Light hadn't mentioned that I'd be going.

"Finally!" Misa stretched when she lowered her bags onto the cabin floor. "I was so sick of being in that car."

The cabin was pretty big inside, a living room was in front of us and to my right was a small kitchen. There was a hallway that had at least four doors to it as well. I smiled a little to myself. Even though I hated camping and I hated taking trips, maybe this wouldn't be so bad. Maybe I'd actually relax a little. And besides, this was our last week of summer before each of us started our first year at college. Everyone besides Misa, who was going to continue her modeling and stay away from colleges for the time being. Though I'm sure we wouldn't be Misa-less there. She'd probably visit every day, at least to see Light.

"Well, I guess we should all choose our rooms," Light said after bringing in a few more bags.

"I'm sleeping with Light!" Misa shouted, pivoting a little on her heel and spinning just slightly while holding onto Light's arm.

L was staring at the two and he tilted his head a little. "No need to shout that out loud, Misa. We all knew you were already sleeping with him."

This pissed Light off, which I'm sure was exactly what L was going for. "_Ryuzaki_…" Light called L that almost all the time, I think maybe that was another nickname for him because L couldn't really be his real name. I don't think I had ever really heard Light call him anything else.

I didn't bother asking about it though; it wasn't like I used _my_ real name around them either. Or anyone else for that matter. I'm sure L had his reasons, just like I did.

"Well while you guys make fun of Light, I'm picking out a room." I grabbed my bag once again and began walking into the hallway, Light glaring at me the whole way. I smiled a little as I entered a room. It was just too fun with them around. My life just wouldn't be the same without my little group of friends.

Voices made their way to me from the room I had chosen but I didn't really pay attention to them. I began un-loading all of my clothes and placing them into a dresser. I also decorated the room with a few small things I had brought. When I was finished I turned around and saw a large mirror on the wall. My eyes narrowed into slits as I walked up to it. I looked so angry, so lustful and evil. I defiantly wasn't keeping that there. So I grabbed it from the wall and lowered it to the floor, facing it opposite of me.

That was a lot better.

"Let's all go swimming! Please Light!" Misa was pleading with Light who was regarding her with tired eyes.

"It's already eight o'clock. That's a little late to go swimming," he told her.

Misa put on her epic pout face. "But _Liiiiiiight_!" She started jumping up and down. This usually broke him down, which was why she did it. It wasn't because he thought her pout was cute or anything, no, it was more like he wanted to punch her into next week if she didn't stop. I could tell just by looking at him. I really didn't understand how Misa didn't see such an obvious thing.

"Fine fine, just shut up. Who's up for swimming at this ungodly hour of the night?" Light called out.

I walked into the living room with the two and nodded. "I'll swim."

Near and L joined us shortly after I had spoken. "Maybe not swimming…but I'd like a bonfire. Did anyone bring s'more material?" Near asked. I noticed that he had changed into a white T-shirt instead of his regular long sleeved ones. It looked kind of weird on him.

Everyone looked to L who smiled and held up a finger then walked back to his room, hunching over a little as he did. That was…just how L walked. Don't ask me why.

He returned with a large bag of marshmallows, a box of graham crackers and…that was a _lot_ of chocolate.

"L…" I whispered, my hand inching towards the bag of Hershey's chocolate bars.

He just smiled and handed me two of the bars.

This is why I loved L.

And then I was content. Everything was good. We all went outside after Misa and I changed into our bathing suits, everyone else decided to just sit around the fire.

We were both out on one of the small docks that reached out over the water.

"Just jump in, it's not that cold," I told the blonde haired girl who was holding her arms around herself defensively. I mean, she was the one who wanted to swim in the first place.

"But! I don't know…it feels really cold!" she squealed.

"Here, stand up," I told her, reaching for her hand. She took it stupidly without a second thought and that was when I smirked and pushed her into the lake.

I could feel everyone's eyes on me and I just couldn't stop laughing when her head bobbled up from underneath the water and she had a horrible scowl plastered on her face.

"Mello you…you big fat jerk head!" her yell could be heard from far away, I even saw a few of the other people across the lake look towards us. My eyes turned towards the cabin next to us, the people there were also having a fire. One of them kept staring though; even when I looked away and glanced back he was still watching. At least, I think it was a guy. It was hard to tell because of how far away they were. All I could see…was that he was wearing a black and white striped shirt.

I felt something on my leg then and looked down to see Misa grinning. She pulled on my leg hard enough that I lost my balance and fell in with her. She laughed and I just pushed water in her face. At least I didn't have to worry about Light getting jealous with me hanging out so much with Misa. Though there wasn't even a reason for that in the first place. I didn't like her that way what-so-ever. And probably never would for obvious reasons. She was more like a little sister to me.

After some swimming and dunking Misa into the water, we both got out and dried off. Of course, Misa went towards the fire but I stayed clear of it. Eventually, everyone joined me and we all sat to the side of the fire, most of them realizing why I wasn't going near it.

None of them knew what happened to me, but they knew that I wasn't too fond of flames. Misa brought me a s'more and I thanked her for it. Soon enough we were all talking and joking like usual. Even though I could feel the heat of the fire on my back from afar, my friends were keeping the heat at bay. Near and I actually didn't say terrible things to each other. It was…calming. Just what I had hoped for. But what I didn't expect was that the vacation as a whole…was going to be the exact opposite.


	2. I told him he could have one, not four

**A/N: And here I am with chapter two! Thank you for reading and thanks even more to those who reviewed! I hope you enjoy this chapter as well, for some reason its really hard to write the character of Matt. Basically because he was hardly in the anime and I haven't read the manga in...oh gosh, like 5 years? But I hope he's awesome enough! Please review once again, and I will keep writing to this! Oh and this will most likely have some LightxL in it as well, because I love them together. :]  
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**White Noise-  
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**Chapter Two; I told him he could have one. Not four.  
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* * *

I slept well that night. I dreamt of some kind of abandoned theme park and puppies…I think. I couldn't remember the whole dream.

When I woke, I smelled some of L's pancakes. I could tell they were L's because I also smelled an assortment of fruits and candies as well. L ate more sweets than I did, and that was saying something. He usually covered them in more whipped cream and strawberries than there was pancake.

My hair a little messy, a chocolate bar in my hand, I walked into the kitchen and waved good morning to L and…Light was up as well. I took a seat by the latter, offering him a block of chocolate.

He took it and ate it without a word and watched as L continued cooking. My eyes drifted towards my brown-haired friend then to the darker haired boy. Then back again…Was it weird the way Light was watching him…?

It was like he…wanted _L_ on his pancakes instead of the strawberries.

But then his morning was ruined.

"_Light_! You didn't wake me up! How rude!" Misa came up from behind him, wearing only a small night gown. She gave him a long hug and Light sighed. God, I suddenly felt really bad for him. Maybe we shouldn't have brought the girl if she bothered him so much.

"Actually Misa, it isn't rude that Light didn't wake you up," L started talking, handing a plate of pancakes to me. "It just means he cares about you getting enough sleep."

Light sighed again as Misa hugged him harder. "Oh Light! I never knew you cared so much! You are such a sweetheart!"

The perfect featured boy said nothing; I almost thought he was going to sigh again.

Near joined us last, rubbing his eyes with a long white sleeve. "Good morning, everyone." He looked so young at that moment. Actually, Near _was_ the youngest but he looked like…fucking _twelve _right then. It was crazy, but Near was sixteen. He skipped a few grades and graduated top of his class, though I'm sure that if he had been in the same school as L then he would have come in second.

I was the second youngest at seventeen years of age, then there was Light who was eighteen and I think L was nineteen. And now that I think about it, I'd never asked how old Misa was. I was guessing eighteen too since she had graduated with Light.

"Awe Near…You are too cute!" Misa, being the magnet she always was, instantly clung to Near. The small boy just stared at the girl. My body got Goosebumps at the sight of someone hugging Near. It was disgusting.

"Do you two want strawberries?" L asked, biting his thumb a little. Misa nodded quickly and Near just shook his head.

We all ate, listening to Misa blabber on and on about what we were going to do that day. "We could go play volleyball or go for a hike or rent a boat or swim some more! What do you guys think? I defiantly want to swim some more, but Mello can't push me in again!"

I smirked and shrugged. "But then it wouldn't be any fun."

"Oh screw you. Light's going to get jealous one of these days!" she latched onto Light's arm, who was once again staring at L from across the table. Until Misa attached to him he was looking at the raven haired boy, watching as he ate his food in the most peculiar ways. Once I saw him stack a whole pile of sliced strawberries, stick them on a spoon, cover them in sugar so that they were totally white, and eat them one by one. Sometimes it was funny as hell to watch him eat, but Light wasn't laughing or smiling.

"Ryuzaki…" Light spoke L's name and L just raised his eyes towards him.

"What is it, Light?" he asked, blinking his eyes, dark bags hanging underneath them as usual. I wondered for a moment if he even slept last night. I'd never once seen him sleeping before.

Suddenly, Light reached over the table and used his thumb to wipe off some whipped cream that L had on the side of his lip. L blinked a couple times, using a finger to check if there was any more there.

"Try eating a little slower, you'll get less of the food on your mouth," Light told him calmly.

The look on Misa's face was priceless.

I was about to crack up. Oh god…what if Light actually…_liked_ L…?

A small chuckle escaped my lips and I pushed the half-finished pancakes away from me. "I'm gunna go have a cigarette," I managed to say, lowering my head and exiting the building without another word.

I finally laughed a little when I had closed the door, taking out the pack of cigarettes from my leather pants pocket. Yeah, I had a lot of leather pants. It was basically all I wore.

Still laughing, I put one between my lips and that was when I noticed that I wasn't alone. There was another person outside, maybe about ten feet away from me. He had probably been walking; most likely he was someone from one of the other cabins. But that wasn't really what I was thinking about…the thing that had me standing there like an idiot was the fact that he was wearing a striped shirt. Black and white. Didn't I see him last night too…?

The more I looked at him, the more I felt like the cigarette in my mouth was going to just…fall out. This guy was so intriguing. Instead of just the shirt, he was wearing a fur, sleeveless vest on top of it; I wondered why he'd wear something like that on such a warm day. His hair was some off color of red, like rust or…copper. But it glinted in the sun with the color of wine. I thought at that moment that it was gorgeous. Besides for his amazing hair, he was also wearing goggles over his eyes, as if he was about to go swimming. Though…they didn't really look like swimming goggles. I didn't really know what kind of goggles they looked like.

I noticed that he was carrying a PSP around leather gloved hands but he wasn't looking at it. He was looking at me just like I was staring dumbfounded at him.

"Are you gunna smoke that?" the guy yelled suddenly. His voice made me jump, it was kind of sudden.

I looked down to the white stick in my mouth and nodded my head. "Why…? Do you want one?" I asked, taking a couple steps towards him, being cautious.

He instantly stepped forward and nodded; pocketing his game he smirked when he reached me and took the pack I handed him.

He started talking the moment he took them. "I was actually just about to go look for a convenience store or something to buy some. I was having major withdrawals, thanks man," striped shirt said while taking four of my cigarettes. I raised an eyebrow at him, not really caring but still caring at the same time. I told him he could have one. Not four. "You have a lighter?"

"Y-yeah…" I reached in my pocket and handed him a small yellow lighter.

"Hey, it matches your hair!" he pointed out.

I nodded, narrowing my eyes a little at the guy. He was…interesting.

"Oh, hey," he lit his cigarette and moved it to the side of his mouth so he could talk, "my name is Matt, by the way. Matt Jeevas."

He held out a gloved hand and I took it, shaking it once before letting go. "Mello."

The boy took a heavy drag off of the cigarette and lifted his goggles up so I could see one eye. They were…really fucking green.

"Just Mello? No last name?" he asked, a little sarcasm making its way into his words.

I let my eyes drift away from his so I wouldn't get trapped with how fucking…_green_ they were. "I have a last name, but I don't like using it."

Matt smiled and continued smoking, I realized that the cig was already halfway gone. "I getcha. You like…some kinda spy?" He ended with putting the goggles on top of his head. I cursed him for that. His eyes were so damn gorgeous; I'd probably end up gawking at him now.

"Hardly. I have no ulterior motive for not telling you my last name," I told him, finally lighting my own cigarette, trying hard not to look into his eyes.

The boy sighed and stomped out the cigarette that he had already finished. "How lame," he droned, lighting another, "would have been cool, yeah?"

"Do you…" he turned and looked at me and I looked at the ground as quickly as possible. "always smoke this much?"

The boy called Matt grinned from what I could see. "Unfortunately, yes."

"Why didn't you bring any to the cabin?" I was making small talk with the guy, yeah. For some reason…I just didn't want him to leave yet.

He shrugged a little, smoke was leaving his mouth as he talked, almost like a chimney. "I brought three packs with me; I figured that that would be enough to last me. But the idiots I'm with decided to stay a couple more days. I ran out a few hours ago."

A few hours ago…? Chain smoker much? I'd maybe smoke one a day, if that.

With his second cigarette almost half gone I told him, "Well, I guess it's a good thing we met then."

He nodded. "Yeah, I totally owe you one, Mello."

I had a few things in mind he could do for me…

"You wanna walk with me?"

I was kind of surprised when he spoke again. I figured that he had gotten what he wanted, so he should have left by now. Finally, I looked into his eyes again and…I was gawking. They reminded me of emeralds. I almost forgot what he asked me.

So instead of talking I just nodded.

He smiled around the white stick in his mouth. "Sweet."

And then we were walking, side by side, as if I really knew this guy. I kind of wished that I did. Why was that…? He didn't really look like the kind of guy I'd go for, if I was even going for a guy in the first place. I admit, I wasn't as straight as a pole, but I wasn't totally gay either. Usually I didn't find that many guys attractive at all. But this kid…

I think he was on his third cigarette when he pulled out his PSP once again and started playing it. Little sounds flitted into my ears as he pressed buttons. He was one hell of a multi-tasker, I gave him that much.

"So where ya from, Mello?" he asked, while smoking the cigarette, walking _and_ playing his PSP.

My eyes went ahead of me instead of staring at the object of my attraction. "About three hours west of here. It's called Spring Bridge."

"No kidding? I live about an hour away. You drive?"

He was…inquisitive. I didn't know why. What did it matter if I drove? Did he want to see me or something? "No. My friend Light drove us all here."

"Who's Light?"

"My friend."

"Oh right, you said that already!" He laughed a little; I could hear a slight cough behind his laugh. "Hey, I think I see a store up there!" his voice sounded the most excited I had heard it so far. He even started running. I sighed a little and followed after him, hands in my pockets, eyes on his ass…

Shit. I tried looking at something else. Like…the trees.

That didn't work for long. Was I really that much of a pervert…?

When I walked into the store Matt was already at the counter, talking to the cashier. Sauntering up to him, I looked down at what he was purchasing. My eyes went wide. Six packs of Marlboro Blacks were laid out in front of him. The total was a little over thirty dollars.

"Wouldn't it be cheaper to just get a carton of cigarettes?" I asked from behind him.

He turned around instantly; I think he was a little shocked to see me. I don't really know why though, obviously I'd been following him. "Yeah, totally. But I have like, fifteen at home. I'm just…thinking ahead. I don't wanna walk up here anymore."

I rolled my eyes a little when he turned back around to pay the woman. Yes, it would be such a tragedy if he had to walk ten minutes again to get his cancer sticks.

"Thanks, lady!" Matt yelled, grabbing the plastic bag with his valuables in it. He exited the shop before me, not bothering to hold the door.

I didn't know what to think of this kid. He was friendly enough, but kind of aloof at the same time. And why the fuck did I like that so much…?

The redhead began packing one of the many packs he had bought with his hands, hitting it on the flat area of his palm. I noticed the last cigarette that I had given him was stuck behind his ear. "You should defiantly hang with me and my friends today," he suggested suddenly.

My eyes narrowed a little at him. "Why?"

His head turned a little so that he was looking at me from over his shoulder, slight confusion overtaking his features. "Cause? It'd be fun."

Well that was one a hell of an explanation. I think he was starting to piss me off a little more than he turned me on. "My friends might be pissed if I did that," I said instead of what I was thinking.

I heard a sigh from him and he turned back around. "Just for a couple hours?"

Alright. I was sick of him pushing shit with me. I had to know why the fuck he was saying this stuff. My hand shot up and I grabbed a hold of his shoulder, turning him around so he could see me. "Not knowing shit really pisses me off. Tell me why."

He didn't speak, at least for thirty seconds. It was then that I realized that this kid…was about four inches taller than me. And that he was smiling like a freakin' wolf. "Why do you have to know so badly? Maybe I don't want to tell you."

"And maybe I don't want to be around you _or_ your friends," I retorted, glaring at him.

His smile grew ever bigger, if that was possible. He shook his shoulder so that my hand fell off of it. With a gloved hand he grabbed the cigarette that was behind his ear and lit it, the fire making me flinch even though lighters usually didn't have that effect on me.

"You know what I think…?" His eyebrow raised and he leaned in a little towards me. I backed away, the heat of the cigarette getting much to close for comfort. "I think you're lying," he finished, blowing smoke into my face.

My nose twitched a little, along with my eyes because of how narrowed they were. "Fuck off," was the only thing that came to my mind.

"Stop being stubborn and just hang with us for a bit," he said while grabbing a hold of my hand and leading me down the road. My eyes went from being narrowed slits to total saucers. I had just told him to fuck off and so he grabs my hand and acts like nothing happened? What the hell was wrong with this guy?

"Besides…" he started talking again before I could think of anything to say. "I really wanna know how you got that scar."

I stopped walking immediately and laughed sardonically. "Like I'd ever tell you that."

He pulled on me a little so I kept walking with him. "You never know. Maybe someday you'll be dying to tell me."

This guy's attitude was seriously pissing me off. "You should let me go before I get really upset…" I closed my eyes and hoped that he would. I wasn't the best at controlling my emotions and when someone legit made me mad, I wasn't about to just stand there and take it, no matter how hot the person was.

Matt stopped walking; I noticed that we were decently close to me and my friend's cabin. I think I saw Misa on the front porch. He turned around once more and grinned. I hated that grin, yet it was so damn sexy.

"What're you gunna do, Mello? _Hit me_?"

Oh he was so asking for it.

After a few moments of silence my temper got the best of me and I really _did_ hit the beautiful boy. I used my right arm and punched him right in the nose. I didn't put all of my strength into it but it was enough to knock him to the floor.

"Yeah, actually," I said as he rolled in the dirt, his cigarette landed a few feet away from him in a mud puddle, the plastic bag only inches away from it.

He looked up at me and I saw a little blood running out of his nose. With one of his thumbs he plugged the left side of his nose and blew more blood out of his other nostril, most of it landing on the ground. But he didn't look angry, he just smirked some more.

Damn him.

"That's the best you got, pretty boy?" he laughed and stood up, a little wobbly on his feet.

My arm shot out and I grabbed a fistful of his vest. "Why are you _trying_ to piss me off?"

Matt just reached for his goggles and placed them back over his eyes, speaking softly, "Cause…it's hot as hell."

My hands started shaking and my heart was beating out of my chest.

What the _fucking_ hell did he mean by that? !

"Mello! Is everything alright?" Light was running towards us but I didn't move or look anywhere else but those goggles. Those stupid fucking orange tinted goggles.

When my brunet friend reached us he took a hold of my arm and loosened it, letting Matt's feet be level on the ground again.

I spoke slowly to Light, glaring at the boy in front of me, "This…guy just pissed me off, that's all. It's nothing, let's go." I turned away from the stupid, stunning redhead and started walking next to Light.

"Let's hang again soon, Mello!" he called after me and I my eyes narrowed.

Like hell if I was ever going to see him again.

**XxX**

That day I couldn't focus on anything. My mind was doing summersaults and I fucking hated how empty my gut felt. It wasn't fair. That stupid idiot Matt was probably having the time of his life with his friends, not even thinking twice about what happened with me and him. Sure, maybe his nose hurt a little, but I doubt he was really in a bad mood. He looked so damn happy when I left…

And here I was, taking a walk through the woods with my friends and all I could think of was that brat.

"Mello! You're gunna get left behind!" Misa yelled back to me for the second time. I think I had heard her well enough the first time. I honestly didn't care. I didn't even want to be around my friends with the mood I was in. I'd just ruin their fun anyways. Why did this have to happen…? I was so happy before I'd met _him_…

I sighed heavily and noticed that L had drifted away from the group and ended up next to me somehow. My eyes strayed a little, I felt awkward for some reason.

"Is everything alright, Mello? You seem down."

Obviously L was the first one to notice something. I figured as much. "I'll be alright. Just kind of had a bad morning."

He bit his thumb; it almost looked like he was going to stop walking. He didn't though; instead he spoke again, "Was it because of that man?"

Who had told L…? Or maybe he saw and I was just too angry to notice. I looked away from him and nodded. "He was a total prick."

L nodded and put a hand underneath his chin in thought. "There are plenty of people who are like that. It wouldn't be life if we didn't run into them some time or another. Try not to let it get you down too much. We'd all like it if you had fun as well." He ended with a smile and I nodded a little.

"I'll try. Thanks, L."

"We should catch up to the others," he said while pointing at how far they had gotten.

We each started walking a bit faster until we could hear Misa once again. "Wow guys! Check out this view!"

The five of us stood on a cliff, one that painted a beautiful picture of the landscape. The trees looked fake and the sky looked too blue. It was one of the prettiest things I'd seen in a long time. And yet I still felt like I wanted to puke.

Misa was clutching onto Light's arm, looking out into the sun. Near was sitting on the edge of the cliff, playing with a small robot toy that he had brought along with him. Yet another thing I found really creepy about him.

And L, he was staring at Misa and Light, a kind of longing look on his face. I think I knew what he was feeling. A little jealousy and…yearning for someone to hold like that. Even if Misa was just kidding herself with Light, it would still be nice to have someone to lean on like that. And why was it that no matter how little I tried not to think of him…I could only picture that stupid redhead?


	3. Climbing through the window

**A/N: God, I love writing to this fic...It really makes me happy. :] I'm also super glad that people actually review it. I adore your input, I really do! I wanna apologize for Matt as well, haha. As I said before, he is rather difficult for me to...keep in character? I guess you could say that. I guess I just made him as complicated and cocky as can be because I find that super hot! XD Also, he's maybe even worse in this chapter...But do not fret! He wont be a complete asshole for forever, I promise you that. :] I just like giving Mello a hard time, what can I say? Thank you soooo much to my reviewers and my readers. You guys make my days that much better. I hope you enjoy this chapter. :]  
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**White Noise-  
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**Chapter Three; Climbing through the window is not acceptable.**

* * *

My day could not get any worse. It really couldn't.

I was lying on the ground, sand in my ears, volleyball resting beside my head. Oh, and my head hurt. A lot.

"Are you okay?" Misa's voice had never been more annoying.

Oh my god, I just wanted to say fuck everything and go home.

Her feet ended up near my head right next to the ball and I turned and glared at them instead of her. "I just wanna go lie down…" I moaned, holding onto my head. I hated volleyball. I hated sports. I hated my life.

"Oh, you party pooper!" she exclaimed, stomping her feet, getting sand in my eye. "Stop being so emo."

Light came and saved the day once again before I punched Misa as well. "Just leave Mello alone, Misa. He's having a rough day."

"Yeah, well. He should get over it and just have fun with us. I miss happy Mello…"

My eyelids folded over my eyes and I sighed. Well, happy Mello wasn't coming back anytime soon.

"You can go back to the cabin, Mello," Light said, helping me up off the ground.

I brushed off the sand and shrugged my shoulders. "You sure that's okay?" I ended with a small glare towards Misa who just puckered her lips at me.

Light grabbed the volleyball and threw it back over to Near and L. "Yeah. Maybe after you get some rest you'll feel better. You and Misa can swim a little later if you want."

I nodded a little and thanked Light for being so understanding, unlike his leech of a girlfriend. As I walked away I heard the blonde saying my name, probably talking shit on me. I didn't care…they could all gossip about how much of a downer I was being. All I wanted to do was curl up under a blanket and disappear.

And it was all _his_ fault.

I hated that stupid striped shirt and those dumb ass goggles. Why the hell even wear goggles? It's not like he was riding a motorcycle or about to jump into the damn lake. He was starting to piss me off almost as much as Near did. I never thought anyone else would reach that kind of level.

My body hit that bed like it was a divan of clouds. My lungs let out the biggest sigh in history and I closed my eyes, ready for the best nap ever.

I was maybe two minutes away from passing out when I heard a knock coming from the window. It scared the shit out of me so my heart started beating like a drum. Who in the…?

No. Fucking…_hell no_.

When I turned and saw red through that window I almost threw up. Why hadn't I pulled the blinds down? Any sensible person would do that before they were about to sleep! Why the fuck didn't I do it?

He had the biggest fucking grin plastered on his face, like someone had painted it there instead of it being natural. The goggles were hanging around his neck this time, I wanted to grab him by those goggles and beat the living shit out of him.

Instead of getting up, instead of even moving towards him, I fell back onto the bed. There was no way in hell I was about to get up and talk to him. That window was staying shut.

But to counter me, he kept knocking.

Why didn't I expect that…? Of course he wasn't going to stop just because I went back to lying down. Of course he wasn't going to be courteous or kind or even think for one bloody fucking second.

My teeth clenched in my mouth when he started blending the knocks together to make some horrid sounding beat. I was seriously going to murder this kid.

I stood up angrily; I felt the wind blowing past me with how fast I was moving. My feet stomped over to the window and I took some heavy breaths to try and calm myself down. As I stared at the boy I started mouthing words to him.

'_Go away_.'

He tilted his head and I looked away at that moment. He was so fucking…cute when he did that. Why did he have to be so damn good-looking? Out of everyone in the world I just had to be attracted to the biggest asshole on Earth.

I attempted trying to reason with him again, though while looking at the side of the window this time. I tried speaking out loud instead, "I said, go away!"

The redhead smiled then and shook his head. "Let me in!" I could hear him, slightly muffled but I defiantly made out what he had said.

My face probably looked as irritated as I felt. Or maybe it wasn't doing it justice at all because Matt looked as exultant as could fucking be.

I was so done talking to him. I stuck my hand to the window and flipped him off.

It felt like that grin would never leave him. My whole being just wanted to punch him again so badly. But if I opened that window I knew that I was going to regret it. I wasn't going to let him win, not for the life of me.

Matt's eyes suddenly started wandering and I tried following them. They ended up on the locks to the window. My heart sunk when I realized that they were unlocked. When my eyes connected with his again I knew I had lost. And just after I had said I wasn't going to…

He opened the window and instantly started climbing into the room. I felt like I was being swept away by the ocean, waves hitting me full force and there was nothing I could do but go along with it and hopefully not drown.

"That took longer than I thought it would…" he said, now standing in my little room. He was invading my space. He was interrupting my nap. He was ruining my day. He had already ruined it enough. Why couldn't he just leave me alone…?

Without asking me if it was okay, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, smoke filling the room. "You look really fucking pissed," he admitted, laughing a little.

I took short, quick breaths, like I really _was_ drowning. His waves were just too strong and too overpowering. Nothing had ever done this to me before. I'd never been so…weak and feeble. And that pissed me off even more than his stupid goggles did.

"We're you like, about to go to sleep? Sup with that, dude?"

I felt like if I spoke, I'd just start screaming my lungs out at him. I didn't want to scream or ruin my lungs. So I stayed quiet.

"Helllooo? You in there, Mells?"

That was the worst nickname I had ever heard. And Misa had already tried giving me plenty. I hated all of them. And I especially hated _Mells_.

"Please shut up…" I walked back over to the bed and sat down. My head was pounding, my stomach was in knots. I just wanted him gone…

Instead of leaving like I hoped he would, he sat down about a foot away from me. He didn't talk anymore though, which I was thankful for. I saw him grab an ashtray off the side table that I hadn't even noticed was there. He continued smoking. It was silent for maybe two minutes. I couldn't take it anymore. "What the fuck are you doing here…?"

"You didn't hang with me today. So I figured I'd come see you." He talked like we were best friends. As if he really knew me for more than half a day.

I swallowed a little spit that was clinging to my mouth, it tasted really gross. And I blamed the redhead for that. "And you just…figured you'd come _right_ through the window, did you?"

He chuckled and put one foot up on the bed, his boot getting dirt on the sheets. "Well yeah. I just did, didn't I?"

My fingers ran their way through my hair, pulling the bangs out of my eyes for only a few seconds before I let them go. The smoke was starting to make me sick, I hated when people smoked indoors. "Do you even use your brain…? Or do you just not have one?"

He blew some smoke out through his nose, raising one eyebrow at me. "You don't have to be so rude about it."

I let my mouth hang open for a couple seconds before I started talking again, words spilling out of my mouth, "Oh, sorry. Was I being rude? My apologies. Let me just go get you some tea and we can discuss how your day was. Or, no—wait! Maybe we can go jump through other people's windows and see how much we can piss them off? That sounds great!" I don't think I had ever had to use that much sarcasm in one sitting. I really wasn't that much of a sarcastic person to begin with. Though, it kind of felt good to insult him like that.

The boy just sat there and stared at me for what seemed like minutes but was most likely only a few seconds. With his eyebrow still raised, his dirty boot still on my bed of clouds— which now seemed more like a pile of mud—he suddenly started cracking up. He practically had to hold a hand over his mouth with how loud he was being. He threw his head back in laughter and I just gaped at him. Astonished wasn't even the best word for how I felt.

I didn't really think that a good enough word existed to describe how I was feeling.

Stunned. Shocked. Upset. Angry. Infuriated. Embarrassed. Uncomfortable. None of them sounded…extreme enough.

And the worst part of it all, was that his laugh was the most gorgeous sound I had ever heard.

There was seriously something wrong with me…

"God, Mello. You're…something else," he finally spoke after stubbing out his cigarette and clearing his eyes of a few tears. I could not believe what I was hearing. _I_ was something else…? Had he ever looked in a goddamn mirror?

"I don't get you…" I managed to say, more like mumbled. It was all I could think of to say…my mind was just swimming in confusion.

I couldn't see his reaction because I was staring lifelessly at the floor, my hair creating a curtain around me. "What's not to get?" It was kind of funny the way he was totally clueless. Either that or he was just fucking with me again. I wouldn't put it past him if he was.

"Everything. _You_. Just…"

"Sooo…stop thinking so hard about it? You're just gunna cause yourself a lot of stress." I saw him leaning down until he was on the floor in front of me, bending his knees so that he could look me in the eyes. "Oh shit, look! You've already got wrinkles!"

One long gloved finger reached out and poked my forehead, right where part of my scar was. I probably looked like I had just gone through a train wreck, and I sure as hell felt that way. Matt's face was in a stupid, fake shocked kind of expression. He looked dumb. Yet…so hot…

I really…_really_ hated my life.

And then it got even worse. If you could only imagine.

The door on the other side of the room creaked open and I saw two beady eyes staring at me through the crack as it moved. All I had wanted to do was to be left alone for…half an hour. Was that really too much to ask…?

Near's smile hadn't ever really been appealing, but right then it was one of the last things I ever wanted to see. His voice emanated through the whole room and my hand was about to come up to my face, as if I could hide behind that. "Sorry…am I interrupting something…?" I could tell he was enjoying every second of my untimely demise.

From what the white haired boy was seeing, it was Matt knelt down in front of me while I sat on the bed. Obviously, that wasn't something anyone would want to walk in on, but it wasn't like we were doing anything in the first place. So it didn't even matter.

But Near would never let me live this down. Even though what he was thinking, or just mocking me for, wasn't even true.

My hand went straight for the first thing I could find and I threw it at the door. It ended up being the ash tray and even though I almost hit Near with it, all I really managed to do was get ash all over my floor…

Fucking great.

"Nice one, Mello," Matt said while standing up, his weight shifting from the heels of his feet to the toes. He rocked there for a few seconds while I screamed at Near.

"Learn to knock!" I yelled, infuriated with just the thought of Near entering my room without permission. What if he did that while I was sleeping? Or even worse…?

While the ash tray spun on the ground, Near peeked his creepy little head through the door again and said, "Learn to lock your door, Mello."

I growled and wanted to throw something else but there wasn't anything around me. "Learn to not be such a fucking creep!"

Near just smiled even more, I could tell he had something extra horrible to say. All I wanted to do was hold my hands over my ears and scream "lalalalalala!" as loud as I could. "Learn to keep it in your pants."

I heard Matt snicker from besides me and I turned to glare at him. He stopped when I did and instead just kept smiling. "He got you there. I think I like this kid."

"What the fuck do you mean _he got me there_? We weren't even _doing_ anything!" I was going to fucking kill both of them. Very slowly and very painfully.

"Regardless of what you two kids were _doing_ in there," Near started talking again but didn't open the door all the way. I think he was afraid of me throwing something else at him. "Light wanted me to ask you if you were up for some swimming yet. Misa is just dying to see you in that speedo."

How could someone have such white hair and features and yet be so damn black and disgusting at the same time?

The redhead couldn't help from laughing then, I could tell. Of course he couldn't. Of course no one could give me a break today. That would be asking way too much.

"Dude, Mello…you wear speedos…?" He was holding his hand over his mouth this time, trying to hide his laughing.

"If the both of you don't get the fuck out of my room in the next two seconds…"

"Oh no, Mello is threatening. Everybody run. He might punch us," Near said sarcastically, but he did leave, closing the door behind him. Looks like he had his fill of make-fun-of-Mello time.

He was most likely way too excited to wait. He was going to tell everyone just what I had been doing instead of sleeping. Because it was Near. And Near was an albino prick who was out to ruin my life.

"You guys fight like an old married couple." Oh, and I forgot I had another prick to deal with as well. This one not so much albino. Just really stupid.

"Out…"

"Why?"

"I said _get out_!" I knew that I had emotional problems, and I knew that sometimes I got mad for stupid reasons. Most of the time I got over issues pretty quickly and realized that I was just being over sensitive. I didn't hate everyone. But this time…was different. Because I had tried staying calm. I had tried reasoning with him. I had tried everything I could think of. Even Near wasn't as dumb as this guy was. I'd never punched Near before.

Matt didn't move so I stood up and grabbed him by the goggles, bringing him down a few inches so he could really understand what I was trying to say. With his face just inches from mine all I could smell was cigarettes. "You piss me off. Get the fuck out before I call the cops."

"Do we really have to resort to extortions?"

"Yes, apparently we do."

"Tell me how you got your scar."

What the fuck went on in this guy's _head_…?

"Are you insane?" I was really starting to wonder if he had some kind of freaky mental condition.

He shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe a little."

"Sorry, I'm not really into crazy guys."

"But you're into guys in general?" His eyes lit up, mocking me in a way.

I narrowed mine further at him. "Defiantly not guys like you."

"So what _are_ you into, then?"

My grip was starting to loosen on his dumbass goggles. That scared me. I tightened it quickly and yelled, "Why the_ fuck_ would something like that matter to you at all? Just get the hell out of my cabin and back to yours!" I used my hand to shove him away from me, causing his back to hit the wall behind him.

I turned from him and walked over to the door, about to open it and leave when he spoke once more, laughing in-between his words, "Yeah. You're right." I looked over my shoulder a little to see him heading towards the open window as he finished talking. "Doesn't matter to me at all. See you around, Mello."

And then he was gone.

XxX

Yes. I had gone swimming. And no, there wasn't any kind of speedo like Near had said. I wouldn't wear one of those if someone paid me to. Though of course Near would say otherwise, if only to make more fun of me.

So I was trying really hard to be happy Mello, like I was about seventy percent of the time, but it felt like the harder I tried, the more depressed I became. I hadn't battled with depression in a long while. It had been at least two years that I had gone without slitting my wrist or ever really thinking of killing myself. And it wasn't like I was…thinking any of that right then. I was just…unhappy. Very, very unhappy. With everything. And my life wasn't horrible. I was out on a vacation with my best friends, minus Near. Instead of being depressed I should have been glad.

I just couldn't fathom how someone as self-absorbed and childish as Matt could ruin this for me so easily…

My eyes drifted towards the cabin beside ours, about ten yards away. They were having another fire, but not as many people were out there this time around. I tried hard to keep my eyes from searching for red or black and white.

"Mello! Throw me in!" Misa called to me from the dock and I sighed a little but did as she said. When I reached her I picked up her small body and tossed her into the lake. She screamed happily and made a decent size splash. I smiled a little; Misa was kind of cute in a…really weird kind of way.

"That is so fun, I wish I could do it to you!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms up and falling into the lake once again. She ended up just floating on her back and staring up at the stars. I swam over to her and joined in on the gazing. There were plenty to look at this far out in the sticks. I could even see some of the Milky Way.

"I wish Light would swim with me…" I heard Misa say.

I turned a little towards her, pursing my lips. "He will eventually. Maybe he just doesn't want to swim at night."

"So then…let's swim earlier tomorrow!"

"Sounds fine to me," I told her.

She grinned and started climbing on top of me. I rolled my eyes a little and knelt down so she could put her legs around my neck. "Light! Hi Light!" She called over to him, waving her arms around obnoxiously. He turned and waved a little, but then turned back to L, whom he was talking to.

I heard her sigh above me and she tapped my shoulder with a dainty finger. "Hey, Mello…"

My hands on her legs, I looked up towards her. "Hmm?"

"Light…do you…even think he likes me at all…?" She sounded sad. Like…horribly sad. It made me feel really terrible.

I lowered her back into the water and she held one arm around her chest, clutching her shoulder tightly. She wasn't even looking at me, her eyes focused on the water, the ripples traveling around her swimsuit and my stomach.

I wish that I had some idea of what to say to her. If there was anyone in the world who was the worst person to ask for advice or anything of that nature, it would be me. I even hated getting told advice. Nothing good ever came of it.

But I didn't want to lie to her…obviously I knew that there were two things: what she wanted to hear…and the truth. Light didn't like her. He probably liked his dog more than he liked Misa.

Her eyes were misty, tears at the brims. "I…try so hard, Mello…for him…for him to like me. But I…it's like nothing I do ever…"

Sighing a little I reached out and pulled her close to my chest. It felt strange and unlike me to be hugging someone, but it was all I could do at that point. It wasn't like I could tell her anything. She cried a little on my shoulder, both of us attempting to stand without swaying or falling over in the water. I wasn't sure if I should have been petting her head or anything but I tried not to think too hard about it.

When she was finished, she peeled away from me and looked me in the eyes. "Do you like me, Mello?"

I let out a small laugh through my nose and smiled as best I could. "Of course, Misa. You're one of my best friends."

She nodded a little but sighed again. God, I couldn't do anything right.

"Friends…" she mumbled, playing with a string on her suit. "Maybe…Light and I are just meant to be…friends…"

I placed a hand on her shoulder and shrugged. "All I know…is to never give up. No matter what life throws at you. Just keep on fighting."

Wow. I gave advice. And it wasn't half bad.

Misa finally smiled again and I felt better. I had even slightly forgotten about…the redhead.

"Thank you, Mello. Why can't Light be more like you, huh?" she poked me in the rib and I backed away from her.

"Maybe because Light isn't as awesome as I am."

"Light is the most gorgeous human to walk the face of the earth!" Misa told me with stern eyes.

I probably could have argued with her there. But I defiantly didn't. No way in hell was I talking about that…redhead.


	4. Start driving

**A/N: Hey guys! :D How's everyone doing? Good? I hope soooo. I also hope that this chapter is good. It's so hard to write to at times, because it still doesn't have much of a plot line...I'm not sure how long it's going to be or anything really, but I'll keep writing! Let me know your ideas and thoughts and anything else! Maybe you'll think of something better than I can! Let me know what you think please. :3 And enjoyyy~  
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**White Noise-  
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**Chapter Four; Start driving or I'm dropping your precious PSP  
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My dreams that night consisted of two things. Alcohol and a redhead. Every time I woke up, I'd fall right back asleep and just continue dreaming. It was like I couldn't escape it. Matt without a shirt one moment and then…more drinking.

And when I finally woke up for good, I had a hard on.

There were plenty of options but instead of jerking off to that…dumb bastard, I took a cold shower instead.

When I was finished, I walked into the living room/kitchen and saw everyone was already awake. They all turned to me and stared and I waved. "What's up?"

Misa spoke first; her arm was latched around Light's. "We were all discussing today's agenda. Any input?"

I shrugged and started searching the cupboards for leftover chocolate. "I don't care what we do, you know that."

"The chocolate is in here, Mello," L said while guiding me towards a pullout drawer. I thanked him and finally sat down with everyone, biting off blocks of chocolate into my mouth.

I think Misa glared at me a little, but I couldn't really tell. Was she mad…?

"How about…some early swimming?"

Oh that's right. She wanted Light to swim with her today.

I figured that I could add some input then, just to get her off my back. "Yeah. I'm down for some swimming. It'll be a lot warmer when the suns out anyways. Wanna swim, Light?" I nudged him a bit with my elbow and he sighed.

"Ryuzaki doesn't want to. So…" Light looked towards the raven haired boy who blinked a few times in surprise.

"Oh, no, Light. Don't ruin your fun because I won't join," he sounded really sincere, like he really cared about Light going swimming with us.

Misa was a shaken pop can about to explode besides the brunet. We all waited for Light to say something. When he finally did I was shocked by what he said, "Ryuzaki and I are staying in the cabin today. Just the two of us."

The blonde's eyes lowered and mine went wide. They…were going to stay here…all alone…?

No one said anything for a few seconds until I finally spoke up. "What the hell for…?" I think I spoke for everyone, even L. He looked the most shocked out of all of us.

Light turned and glowered at me. I regretted asking anything. "Because I said so."

He stood up then and grabbed L's hand, pulling him away until they reached one of the farthest rooms. I heard him lock the door afterwards and then Misa's crying ensued.

She also stood up and ran out of the cabin, tears falling in her wake.

And then it was just me and good old Near.

Oh, this vacation was turning out to be such an adventure.

A weird silence took over the kitchen and I put a hand to my forehead, kneading it a little.

Near finally spoke, "Well. This sure is awkward."

"No fucking joke, Near," I growled out, clenching the bar of chocolate in my palm.

"I suppose that you should go comfort the girl. That's usually what you do best," he told me, smirking.

I turned towards him and glared full force. "This is such bullshit!" I slammed a fist down onto the table, crushing my chocolate with it. "This wasn't supposed to be Jersey fucking _Shore_!"

"This isn't _my_ fault. Don't take it out on me," he voiced, shrugging his shoulders.

Sighing, I turned towards the door and frowned at it instead. I didn't want to go comfort Misa. I didn't want to fight with my friends or have to give advice again. It was tiring…this whole vacation was turning out to be less of a vacation and more of an emotional battlefield.

And I'd had enough of it.

While I stood up I went and reached for my cigarettes which I had left on the counter the other day. Maybe today would be the day I smoked more than one.

I let my body lean against the side of the house and I stared up into the sky, the sun shining onto my somewhat pale skin. It felt like rays of pure evil. And the cigarette didn't even calm me. All it did was cause me to think of the redhead…

The feeling of longing entered my stomach again and I wanted to cry as well. I wondered momentarily where Misa had run off to, because she was nowhere to be seen. I felt bad, of course I did. But what the hell was I supposed to do about it? I wasn't here to fix her relationship or even move it along. Sure, I'd help with what I was able to, but this was…out of my league. I guess that I had known something like this was going to happen sometime or another but I never expected it so quickly and…_now_ of all times. I thought Light could at least wait to ruin her life until we got back home.

Smoke filed up towards the sky and I watched as it did. Relationships…never worked. I learned that from just watching Misa and Light. That's why…I would never even try to have one. Not in a million years. All it caused was broken hearts and unnecessary tears.

When I looked up from taking one of my last hits I saw something that had me narrowing my eyes and my stomach bubbling with…anger.

I had found Misa…but I had also found someone else with her. Matt was close to her, kneeling down in front of her fetal positioned form, I think one of his hands was underneath her chin. She was talking, gesticulating a lot like usual, I couldn't see if she was still crying or not.

What the fuck was going on…?

I didn't understand how I hadn't seen them earlier. Maybe they'd just sat there recently and I didn't notice.

My feet wanted to walk towards them; the cigarette butt I had dropped was burning a leaf next to my black boots. But…Matt's hand was drifting towards her cheek, rubbing it slightly. My gut was on fire just like the leaf. I was…jealous.

I couldn't just walk up to them like that. While he was…comforting her…

Wasn't that supposed to be my job…?

I didn't want to bring attention to myself but I couldn't help but punch the wall of the cabin. The wood wasn't the best thing to punch but I managed to do some damage, mostly to my knuckles.

My body didn't turn to look at them, I just kept walking away. I had to get away. I had…to do something. And I couldn't stand looking at either of them any longer.

Matt…I couldn't figure him out. Was he trying to make me jealous? Well, he was doing a hell of a good job at it. I'd never felt this engaged before. And it wasn't fucking fair because I…I didn't even like that guy! Okay, I was just fooling myself there, of course I liked him. No, I found him to be the hottest man alive, but his personality had way too many quirks in it. I hated him. But I liked him at the same goddamn time.

I sent a glare towards Near who was setting up dominoes on the front porch. He just smirked at me but I kept walking, more like stomping. That kid could entertain himself four hours; at least no one had to worry about him. Not like I would have in the first place.

I wish I had known where I was going. It wasn't like I could just go home. Home was three hours away. Oh god…the ride home was going to be terrible…

Footsteps were approaching me from behind and I felt like running to avoid them. Whoever it was I didn't want to talk to them or even look in their direction. But they didn't give me a choice. A gloved hand latched onto my hand and pulled me towards the backside of the cabin. I got the wind knocked out of me when that arm pinned me to the wall and I finally glared into those goggles.

"You fucking piece of—"

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I'm a piece a shit."

"Get the fuck off of me!" I tried kicking him and moving my arms but his arm was stretched out in front of my neck, choking me when I moved too quickly.

"I saw you punch the wall," he said, his eyes looked yellow through the orange of the goggles.

I bowed my head and spit onto his boot. "You're seriously pushing me past my breaking point."

"Yeah, well, you're doing the same to me."

I stared at him, confusion and anger in my eyes. "What the fuck are y—"

And then he forced his lips onto mine. The anger and confusion left my eyes to leave a blank, wide stare behind. My lips didn't move but his did, urging mine to join in. His tongue tried invading my mouth and for some stupid reason I let it. He took that as an advantage and pressed his body closer to mine, slipping his wet tongue further into my mouth. His arm was beginning to make it hard to breathe but maybe that wasn't all of it. I think…he was making really hard for me to even think.

When my own tongue finally began circling his I felt him smile a little. I was…being swept away and I fucking hated feeling like that. I never said he could kiss me. How did he even know that I wanted it?

His mouth left mine so he could breathe and I took in a sharp breath. He was about to continue but I turned my head quickly so that he kissed my cheek instead. Not stopping there, he began kissing my neck too, his nose rubbing against my skin. This was all too much like my dreams…and I wasn't…handling it too well. My chest was heaving up and down with all the heat. I hated it.

"I'm leaving today. Come with me," he purred, putting a gloved hand on my hip bone, rubbing it gently.

I looked up towards the clouds and tried to breathe normally. "You're fucking nuts…"

"Yeah but I'm not stupid." I would beg to differ. "You saw me with Misa and flipped shit."

"Tch…" I narrowed my eyes again but my heart wouldn't slow down.

"See…?" His nose nuzzled into the nape of my neck again and I felt Goosebumps cover my arms. "You don't even have anything to say."

Of course I didn't have anything to say. Because he was so fucking right. I felt like a total idiot.

Matt finally let his arm down and I could breathe a little better. He used his fingers to move the goggles out of his eyes like he had before. It was like he knew that I loved his eyes more than anything else and if he removed the goggles that I would just succumb to his wishes.

"Why…should I go with you…?" I asked, trying to avoid those damn emeralds.

He thought for a moment and then said, "Because you know you want to."

I…couldn't even argue with him there. Did I really want to stay here with my emotionally challenged friends and try to mend a relationship while getting bullied by Near and possibly really pissing Light off? The answer was plain and simple.

No.

I wanted to have this giant weight off my chest so that I could finally be myself without so many people around. I had thought this trip would be good for us, and some of it wasn't terrible. But…it was rapidly going downhill and there wasn't any way I could stop it from falling.

I was risking my friendship though—my go-to people that might hate me for leaving them. But what if…I could make new friends…? Matt had friends. And there was also Matt…who I obviously didn't see a future with or anything amazing, but…maybe my longing would be gone with him around. That horrible empty feeling of being unwanted wasn't…really there anymore. And I found that so damn appealing…

"So…" Matt grabbed my chin just like he had with Misa's only moments ago. I looked anywhere but right at him. "We're leaving in ten. Get your things ready."

Before letting me go he planted a kiss onto my lips. It was strong and almost made me pass out. When he pulled back, spit was clinging to his tongue and it dripped onto the side of his chin. He stared at me with those eyes and wiped it off with his glove and my pants grew a lot tighter than normal.

Damn him to hell.

I ignored Near's looks of misperception as I left the cabin with everything packed away in my suitcase. Misa was still sitting by that tree, her face in her arms and my heart tugged a little to go towards her. But I had already made up my mind. I wasn't staying any longer.

"Just where are you goi—"

"Tell everyone I'm sorry, please Near."

He just turned his eyes to slits and watched as I got into the red Chevy. The car was small and Matt was the only one in it. His friends had been driving a large van and were about a mile up the road.

Just before I shut the door to the passenger's side I heard Near's voice loud and clear, "You're not sorry, Mello."

He was wrong…I _was_ sorry. He…was wrong…

**XxX**

So, if I had thought that the car ride home with Misa and Light and everyone would have been bad, then I don't really know what I was thinking with getting in the car with the guy I had just recently made out with and wanted to do other horrible things to.

It was weird and I was craving chocolate. I felt so damn out of place.

And I had to spend two hours like this…god kill me.

Matt lit a cigarette and stayed quiet. Until something beeped next to him. He swerved the car and parked on the side of the road, cursing. Instead of anything important like I figured it'd be, he picked up his PSP and started zoning out, pressing buttons like his life depended on it.

We sat there for maybe ten minutes until I sighed heavily and finally spoke up, "Uhm, are we going to keep driving or…?"

"Shhh…" he waved a hand in front of my face, silencing me.

I crossed my arms on my chest and waited a few more minutes. When it was apparent that he wasn't going to stop playing for a long while, I reached over the seat and grabbed it out of his hands. His eyes went wild, searching his hands that had just been holding the game station. Gloves flexed and then he turned to me.

"Dude. I seriously need that back." He sounded so fucking staid too.

I held the game out the window and said, "Start driving or I'm dropping it."

The bad thing for him was that we were on a hillside. The game would have fallen and probably never would have been found if I did drop it.

"Why the hell did I bring you along…?" he grumbled, starting the engine once again. He rolled onto the cement and I brought the game back into the vehicle.

"Don't ask me. I don't have a fucking clue," I told him, setting the game on my lap.

I saw him eye it quickly then he lit another cigarette. "Well obviously it's because you're sexy as all hell." My eyes went wide and I coughed loudly. He started laughing, "Were you expecting something else?"

Clearing my throat I shook my head. "I just wasn't…expecting that…"

He couldn't be serious, right? He was totally just fucking with me…

"First night I saw you I couldn't stop thinking about you, it was pretty fucking bad."

I would have told him it was the same for me but…I didn't.

He started talking again, so I just listened. "And then I saw you smoking and my addiction kind of took over. I know you probably think I'm just an asshole, and I guess I wouldn't tell you otherwise. I have a complex personality." Yeah, no fucking kidding. "But anyways. I just really wanted to see you more than a few days."

So…his motive for following me around and being a total dickhead to me was because…he thought I was sexy. I guess that was better than him doing it because he thought it was fun or something…

"And it's funny as hell to fuck with you. You get so mad, it's cute as shit," he laughed, blowing smoke out through every hole on his face.

"You're so lucky you're driving right now…" I probably would have punched him again if he wasn't.

He just grinned at me. "I rest my case."

The rest of the ride was spent talking a little, exchanging stories about how we made it to the cabins and who we went with. I told him about my friends, even though he kind of already knew Misa. I told him the reason I was so mad in the first place.

He mentioned a few things about his friends, but never went into much detail. Maybe they weren't as important to him as mine were to me. Though, thinking about it just made my stomach churn. If they were so important to me I would have stayed and tried to help.

Even though the time went by kind of slowly, we arrived at our destination pretty quickly. Matt opened his door first and I just kind of stayed in the car. I felt…really weird again. Sure the ride hadn't been terrible but now I was at a stranger's house with a bag of my belongings and I was an hour away from my home. I was starting to have a lot of second thoughts about leaving with the redhead.

"You coming or not?" Matt asked, grabbing both of our bags from the trunk.

It wasn't like I had a choice in the matter. I had already made my decision.

So I got out of the car and joined him, staying at least a few feet away so that I wouldn't be in his way and I could follow him easier.

I noticed that we were at an apartment, almost like my own but these were a lot smaller, most likely for the very lowest of the economy. I kind of figured Matt didn't have a huge mansion or anything, it's not like it really bothered me. I had lived in an apartment myself for years now.

We ascended a staircase and ended up at a few doors, he opened one of the closets ones and I followed behind him through the door. The first thing I noticed was the smell of cigarettes, which didn't surprise me. Besides for that it didn't smell horrible, just…like stale smoke. He flipped a few lights on and I realized that it wasn't terribly messy like I thought it'd be. My own being a lot tidier, the place did seem a bit awry.

There was a large sofa in the living room, a small kitchen and one or two rooms back further into the apartment. It was just about the same size as mine.

Matt threw his bag on top of mine then walked over towards me, closing the door behind me. I had to move a little to get out of his way and then he was in front of me, cornering me with the door being closed.

For maybe the…I don't know, twentieth time today, he reached for a cigarette and lit one. I bit my lip and looked at the floor.

"So…what now?" he asked me, blowing smoke into my face.

I coughed a little and waved a hand to dissipate the smoke. "I don't fucking know…you're the one who brought me here…"

"You're so damn edgy. Calm down, Mello. I'm not going to hurt you."

I sighed and used a palm to push him away from me. He didn't move much but it was enough for me to weasel out of his trap. "Do you have any chocolate?"

"Why? You on your period?"

I narrowed my eyes and started looking through his kitchen. He came up behind me and reached into a cupboard, pulling out a Hershey bar. I instantly grabbed it and started eating. He laughed, "Chocoholic, huh?"

I glared and he smiled then turned around to walk into the living room, up to what looked like a cage with something in it. I followed him out of curiosity and realized that he had some kind of animal.

He stuck his hand in the cage and pulled out a large…snake.

Holy shit. I hated snakes.

"Mello, meet Stripy."

My mouth hung open a little and I stared at him and the stupid animal in dumb shock. "What…a unique name…"

"I got him when I was like, eight. Get off my back." He held the snake up to his face and rubbed his nose to the snakes. God, what the hell had I gotten myself in to…? "Wanna watch me feed him?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. The serpent stuck its tongue out and I did too.

"Hell no, I don't."

"Does Stripy scare you, Mello?" Matt asked in a mocking tone.

I sighed and sat on the couch, munching on chocolate. "No, I just don't like snakes."

He turned away from me and said, "Well. Stripy doesn't like you either." He was trying to sound offended.

"Would you stop saying that dumbass name? You sound like a fucking two year old." I crossed my legs and let my arm hang across the back of the couch.

Matt's footsteps came up behind me and before I knew it he stuck the snakes head right next to mine. I screamed and was about to hit the thing but he moved it before I could. "Mello's scared of a little snakey!" he sang, dancing around with the reptile.

I turned and glowered at him. "Do that again and I will kill you and that _thing_ in your sleep!"

The redhead just smiled and placed the snake back into its cage. "Oh come on, Mello Yellow. I was just having some fun."

Great. Another nickname. Just what I needed.

I spoke before he could say something stupid again. "Why don't you live with your parents?"

Matt became a bit more serious and rounded the couch to sit beside me. "They died a long time ago."

Wow. Well, I suddenly felt bad for him. But…everyone had issues. My parents were practically dead too. "I'm sorry."

He just shrugged and used one of the many ashtrays to stub out his cigarette. "It's not a big deal. I was like…twelve."

My mouth almost moved without my consent but I didn't say anything else. I wanted to tell him that I had been the same age when mine pretty much died too, but…what did it matter? I hadn't even told my other friends much about that subject. Why should I tell this random guy I had just met…?

"But anyways!" he sat up and lit another cigarette. "What do you want to do, Mello?"

Well, he sure moved on quickly. "Didn't you just ask me that?"

"No. I asked, 'what now?' not what you wanted to do," he said, smirking.

Sighing I told him, "It's the same damn thing, idiot."

He leaned forward, getting close to me once again. "Awe, that hurts, Mello."

I pushed him away again. "You reek of cigarettes."

"Are you saying I should shower?" he asked, laughing a little.

"I'm saying you reek."

"So I should shower?"

"Or stay away from me, yes."

"Come shower with me."

I reeled back and looked into those goggles. "Maybe when hell freezes over."

Matt smirked and leaned back again, ashing his cig and then walking back around to the other side of the couch. "Fine! Stripy will shower with me, won't you buddy?"

I literally did a face palm. Something was wrong with this guy. And something was even more wrong with me because I had agreed to stay with him…


	5. Apparently three days

**A/N: Okay so! This chapter is kind of filler...as are going to be a lot of my chapters maybe...lol. I don't want to jump into things with them, that's all. I feel like when people do that it just ruins the whole...romance of the story. I wanna mold the characters, even if they're super complex. Matt is turning out to be...very interesting. I'm sure after awhile, he will get better. Right now, this is how he's gunna be! Please let me know what you think, your thoughts and ideas are always well appreciated! Thanks guys.**

**White Noise-**

**Chapter Five; Apparently three days is way too fucking long**

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This day was already turning out to be one of the most unexpected I'd encountered. I stared at Matt's bare back; his…_pet_ was wrapped around his shoulders. He had taken the snake into the bathroom with him, maybe that wasn't really unexpected so much as it was something that the redhead would most likely do due to his ultimate stupidity and lack of concept.

My arms were wrapped around my legs as I tried to stay as far away from the slithering animal as possible. The redheaded boy was on the floor, button mashing a controller that was connected to a PS3. When he had exited the bathroom, wearing just a pair of boxers, he had told me he needed to check something on one of his games. He hadn't stopped playing or even looked away from the TV screen since then.

And I hadn't stopped glaring at him.

How could he just come out dressed like that…? Was he trying to turn me on? And instead of even talking to me or anything he just glued himself to one of his damn games. Typical.

It'd been about half an hour and it looked like the snake was sleeping, it had coiled itself around Matt's neck, though I really couldn't tell because it didn't seem to have any eyelids. The shirtless and pants less boy held up a game controller to me suddenly. "Wanna play?" he asked, not moving his eyes for a second.

I stared at the screen; he seemed to be playing some kind of RPG fighting game.

Not like it mattered. I hated video games.

"I don't like to play. Video games rot your brain," I told him.

He turned around then, his eyes wide and mouth hanging open. "_Whaaaat_?"

I narrowed my eyes and glared at him through my bangs. "You heard me."

He huffed and reached for his pack of cigarettes that were on the coffee table. Lighting one he said, "Well, chocolate rots your teeth."

"So does smoking," I growled.

"Yeah…well…chocolate makes you fat!" he retorted, turning back around to play his game. God, he acted like a spoiled brat sometimes.

I stared down at my stomach, a little less than half of it was showing due to the leather jacket I was wearing. It was totally flat, no fat to be seen. "I'm not fat; I have a perfectly normal body."

Matt suddenly stopped playing; I noticed that he had paused the game, which was kind of odd, for him at least. He turned around and reached for the snake that was around his neck. I backed away a little, afraid he was going to put it on me or something. Instead he just smiled and placed it on the ground, letting it slither away.

He crawled onto the couch with me, making his way over towards me. I continued backing away. "What the fuck are you _doing_?"

"Mind letting me see?" he asked, now towering over me, arms on either side of my head.

I glared, my face flushing. "See what? And why the fuck did you just let that snake go? It's gunna—"

"I do it all the time. He likes to run around," he interrupted me; his eyes were smiling along with his mouth, though I couldn't see them as well through those damn goggles.

I sighed and brought a hand up towards his chest, pushing a little on it like I had before. "Snakes don't run, moron."

He rolled his eyes and began pushing me back so that my arm began to buckle under the weight. "I'm aware."

Then it was quiet and I tried not to look at him. It was really…difficult.

I finally spoke, feeling way too awkward to not say anything. "You know…we're both guys…" His eyebrow raised, his lips slightly parted. I continued, "Doesn't that…bother you?"

Then his eyes became wide and he brought a hand to his mouth, putting the cig between his fingers. "Wait you're a…guy?"I leaned my head back and my eyes lidded over as he kept talking, "No way, that's crazy! I need to make sure!"

My eyes became wide then and I tried sitting up but it was too late. His hand cupped itself in-between my legs. The air caught in my throat as I hitched in a deep breath.

"Fuck y—"

"So…you _are_ a guy…" He leaned in closer and began rubbing his nose against my ear.

I froze up, yet I felt like I was on fire. I couldn't really tell what was worse, feeling that way or actually being set aflame.

There was a cigarette right next to my ear where his other hand was. I became very aware of that. "Put that out before you start a fire."

He sat up a little and stared at the stick. "It's still got like…five hits left."

"It's a wonder you haven't burnt this place down yet…" I tried to use this opportunity to squeeze away.

He noticed and gripped his other hand tighter on me. "Stay put."

"Who the fuck are you to tell me what to do?" I barked, sending him the worst glare I could muster while practically being molested.

"Oh lighten up," his hand moved to the ash tray and he put out the cigarette then turned back to me. "I'm not going to do anything…not yet anyways."

"So, you're gay then?" I practically spit into his face. Usually I didn't like throwing that word around but he was upsetting me so it was totally justified.

He tilted his head a little and smiled. "I like to think of myself as…bi-curious…" I frowned and he asked, "Why, are you gay?"

"Why the fuck does it matter?" I crossed my arms on my chest and looked away from him. "And would you please remove your fucking hand from me?" Matt made a pouting face and I growled at him. "Get the fuck _off_ of me!"

"Christ. You say 'fuck' a lot, don't you?"

"Only when I'm really fucking pissed off!" I was trying to use my arms to get him to move.

Finally he sat up and the warmth from his hand was gone. I sighed in relief then got up, instantly scooting away from him. The redhead lit another cigarette and reached down onto the floor. The snake wrapped itself around his arm and he continued smoking like that.

And then it was quiet again and I didn't know what to do. This whole situation was really awkward and I was fully regretting ever leaving the cabin. Maybe I could have really helped Misa with everything she was going through. Maybe all of us could have talked and worked things out. But instead I was here, breathing in second hand smoke as if it were air and getting groped by a guy I hardly knew.

I felt like such a sad excuse for a friend…

Suddenly the doorbell rang and both of us turned to look at it. Matt was the first to move, he stood up and walked back to his room. A few moments later he emerged with some pants on finally, as well as a red and black striped shirt and his gloves. The snake had migrated to his neck. While he walked up to the door he looked at me and put a finger to his mouth, as if to tell me not to speak.

Why the hell would that matter…?

When he opened the door I couldn't really see who it was. I did see that the guy was pretty damn tall and he didn't have any hair. They started speaking in some other language. I think it was Spanish.

Matt kept trying to block the man from seeing me; either that or he was blocking me from seeing who it was. It seemed like they were talking about me and then the guy used a large hand to move Matt out of the way.

He had sunglasses on and looked to be about thirty. Also, he was really big, probably the size of me and the redhead combined.

The man glared at me, I think, then turned towards Matt and started speaking again.

What the hell was going on…?

Matt turned around, a smile on his face but when his eyes met mine he frowned. My eyes were asking him 'what?' He didn't say anything; instead he walked over to a small space next to the couch and knelt down next to it. His gloved hands opened a small door in the floor and brought out metal box with a lock on it. Opening it with a key that had been in his pants he grabbed a couple baggies out of it. My eyes locked onto one of those baggies—it was full of white rocks.

And that was when I realized that Matt Jeevas was a drug dealer.

My heart dropped into my stomach when he walked pass me and back over to the man to hand him the drugs. They exchanged illegal substances for money and then the door was closed and we were alone once again.

I suddenly felt really sick to my stomach.

Drugs weren't really something I was familiar with, yet I had done my share of them. Usually it was when I was at someone else's house and when I didn't give any fucks. Though I basically stuck to pills or weed—drugs that weren't going to kill me.

I'd probably try anything anyone gave me, which was why I always ended up passing out at Near's place. That was usually where we all drank and did stupid stuff; his parents were almost never home. Thought it defiantly wasn't something I did every day or even every month. It was just whenever Misa or someone else got something.

But for some reason, even though I wasn't totally against drugs, I looked at Matt in a completely different way. It was as if he was all of a sudden someone to be feared instead of someone to make fun of or joke around with like he had been earlier.

The boy in my thoughts placed his reptile back into the cage once again and then sat down on the couch next to me. The process of him stubbing out a cigarette and lighting another one ensued and I felt like I shouldn't be there. Even more than I had moments ago.

"I was…kind of hoping to avoid that…" he finally said, blowing smoke into the room.

I narrowed my eyes at the floor and clenched my fists together. "What? The fact that you deal drugs?" I asked in a monotone voice.

He bowed his head and sighed. "Yeah, pretty much."

"Why…?"

"What do you mean, 'why'?"

I sat up and stared at him, my eyes serious. "Why sell drugs?"

He laughed a little, though he looked embarrassed at the same time. "It's easy money."

"So are plenty of other jobs, that aren't, you know, _illegal_."

He sighed out smoke and stared at the TV screen. "Can we not talk about this?"

I reeled back a little and turned away from him again. He was right. Who was I to ask him anything about his personal life? It didn't matter to me. He could sell all the drugs he wanted.

I kept my mouth shut and he was almost finished with his cigarette when he spoke. "Let's go do something. You wanna go get coffee?"

"I don't like coffee."

"Then I'll buy you a chocolate shake or something, let's just go," he said, grabbing my wrist and walking towards the door.

**XxX**

We ended up at a coffee shop and he had bought me a milkshake. Basically the whole time I tried not to stare at him like he was some kind of criminal, though it was kind of hard. I shouldn't have been so surprised…_Someone_ had to sell drugs. And plenty of people did it these days anyway.

I glanced at the boy who was smoking again, even though I'm pretty sure I had seen a sign that said 'no smoking'. He looked magnificent as ever, I really didn't understand how someone could have such amazing features. Even with those goggles he still looked gorgeous. And I was sounding like some kind of fucking girly stalker…

"How's the shake?" he asked out of the blue.

I shrugged a little. "Fine."

He sipped on his coffee and continued smoking; I noticed he had been ashing on the floor. "Mello."

I glanced at him, eyes a little wide. "What?"

His eyes wandering, he took a deep breath. "I'm just going to get right to the point, okay?" I raised an eyebrow at him. Oh…this should be good. "I plan on having sex with you tonight."

I almost spit out the milkshake right onto his face. When I started talking, my voice was shaking, along with my hands. "I-is that why we went on this little date? So you wouldn't feel bad about seducing me afterwards?"

"Hmm, I hadn't even thought of that actually," he said, grinning.

I laughed sarcastically and pushed the cup away from me. "Well, it looks like things might not be going according to your _plans_ tonight, sorry to disappoint." And then I stood up and began walking out of the store. There wasn't any way I was staying in there with him after he'd said something like that.

Did he think I was _stupid_? Some kind of slut he could just pick up off the street and expect a good fuck from?

Well he was wrong. I wasn't any kind of slut.

Of course he chased after me, like the damn mutt he was.

"Where are you going?" he yelled, running a little to catch up to me.

"Away from _you_," I ground out while I speed-walked.

Footsteps came closer to me. "What? Why?"

"You disgust me, take me home," I told him angrily.

He caught up to me and started walking beside me. "You don't mean that."

His arm brushed mine and I snapped, "If I didn't _mean_ it I wouldn't have _said i_t! Take me the fuck _home_!"

"Chill out, don't yell." He tried calming me down.

When his hand touched my shoulder I whipped my head towards him and punched him for the second time. "Don't fucking touch me!"

His eyes rolled up and locked on mine. The look in his eyes was kind of frightening. With the side of his face turning red, he latched his fingers around my arm and began pulling me towards an alley way.

His brute strength was the only thing keeping me there; it was almost just like when he had me pinned against the cabin wall. But this time I was even more upset.

"You need to calm the fuck down," he whispered.

"And you need to back the fuck off!" I screamed, eager to punch him again.

He narrowed his eyes and leaned in towards me, his nose touching mine. "I get it. I'm sorry, okay?"

"You sound anything _but_…"

"I am_ sorry_, Mello. I didn't mean to freak you out."

He really was insane. There wasn't any possible way that a normal person would say something like that and not expect someone to be upset. "I guess I'm just not really used to rejection, it's kind of frustrating," he admitted.

I huffed and glared at the ground. "Yeah well. I'm not one of your whores."

"I never said you were…"

He didn't even deny the fact that he had whores.

"Let me go…" I sighed out. I was tired…just really tired of everything.

He did and I stepped away from him, backing away into the darker part of the alleyway. "Don't…follow me…"

Those green eyes narrowed and I took off running.

**XxX**

"Could I have a taxi come to 36th and…uh, Marshall, please? The closest address is…3616."

"A cab will be there shortly; thank you for your business."

I hung up the pay phone and sighed. I guess it was a good thing I carried around change. But now I had this terrible empty feeling in my gut and I couldn't understand why. Obviously I didn't come here to be taken advantage of or anything of the sort. The reason I left was because Matt had convinced me to…and I didn't want to stay there with my friends the way things were.

So why did it feel like this was an even bigger mistake…?

That guy was a douchebag! I didn't want to be around him any longer than I had to…yet I didn't want to leave…

It felt like my whole world was going backwards with him around. I hated it. I hated him. All he wanted to do was use me…that's it. I just had to accept that fact and move on with my life. I'd go home and wait for everyone to get back from the trip if they hadn't already. I'd apologize my heart out and beg for them to be my friends again. I'd try and help as much as I could with everyone's problems.

I just wish I had at least grabbed my bag from Matt's apartment…that had my phone and most of my money in it. Maybe I'd just end up buying a new one…

This was better though. It was better than being used and way better than having to deal with that prick any longer. I sat down on a bench and waited, wishing I had my phone. Wishing I hadn't ever gotten into the car with the redhead. Regretting how damn…stupid I had been.

A car drove up to the side of the road and I perked my head up. I really…didn't expect to see him there.

Did he want to use me that badly…? Was I some kind of special piece of ass he couldn't stand letting go?

I had nothing to say to him.

Apparently he didn't have anything to say to me either. Instead of talking he walked towards me.

I defiantly had something to say then though. "Stay _back_!"

He ignored my words and continued coming until he grabbed my arm, pulled me up from the bench and connected his lips with mine. I was about to slap him or do something but I couldn't. Why…? Because kissing him was one of the most amazing things in the world…

Even if I hated him…when he kissed me I melted. I hated him even more for that.

He pulled back and looked me in the eyes. "You scared the shit out of me. I thought I wasn't going to find you."

"I told you…not to follow me, you _dumbshit_…"

"I didn't at first…" He leaned in and kissed me again, turning me into candle wax. "But then I kind of realized some things."

"That you're a total asshole…?"

More kisses. "Yeah, basically."

I could hardly breathe. Why was it that I could absolutely loathe this man's entire being but still love kissing him? How was that even feasible?

"H-how…did you even find me?" I managed to ask. His knee was positioned between my legs, pressing further against my growing erection.

"You left a trail of chocolate…"

He was just saying shit, apparently he didn't want to tell me or he couldn't think of anything better to say than that. He pulled me to the side of a building for the…third time and pressed his body to mine. It was incredible but so fucking wrong.

I wanted all of him, but I needed none of him.

I needed his touch, but I couldn't stand his hands on me.

It was the most confusing feeling I had ever encountered.

His hand went for my waist and he slipped a few fingers past the belt of my pants. I swallowed thickly and put a hand on top of his. "Matt…s-stop, that's enough. We're in public."

He sighed and glared at me with fiery eyes. "I'm so damn tired of waiting…"

My eyes grew weary. "It's been like three days since I met you…"

"That's way too fucking long…"

"I don't even know how old you are…" I mouthed as he began wiggling his fingers along my waist line.

He spoke in a husky tone, "My name is Matt Jeevas. I'm nineteen years old. My favorite color is red. I like cigarettes, video games, and Mello. Is that enough?"

My eyes wandered and I racked my brain for another excuse. "You don't even know anything about me…"

"So tell me! I'll listen, I promise!"

Yeah…he'll listen because if he doesn't then he's not getting anything from me. He's just doing this so that I'll sleep with him. He doesn't have anything else in mind.

We both turned when we heard a loud beeping of a horn. There was a taxi pulled up behind Matt's car, waiting for me. The guy couldn't see us because of the positioning…so he'd leave soon if I didn't get away from the crazy redhead.

What was I supposed to do…?

I felt like I was on some kind of cliff…trying to figure out if I should jump or remain on it with a hungry lion. If I jumped, I would most likely die instantly. If I stayed, I'd probably get eaten alive.

Which one was worse…?

The taxi beeped again and my head was pounding.

The fact was that there wasn't any way I was getting away from Matt. I'd ultimately chosen the hardest way to die. I was going to be devoured. Well, at least he was a really attractive lion.

**XxX**

Matt drove with a lead foot. It seemed like he was really expecting something when we got back to the apartment. I was desperately trying not to throw myself out of the car. This _wasn't_ going to be horrible. I had to realize that. So what if he just wanted a quick fuck? Shouldn't I have been happy that he was so damn sexy? Why wasn't I thinking like him?

I knew why. It was because I didn't do this kind of thing with just anyone.

The last and first time I had ever had sex was maybe nine months ago, and it was because I was drunk off my ass. I didn't remember any of it, and I was glad. I hadn't even known the guy.

So obviously, it wasn't something I thought about a lot like most guys did. And besides, I tried my best to stay the hell away from anything that might cause me to fall into a relationship. I didn't want to be a sucker or end up heartbroken like Misa.

But here I was, walking into this drug dealer's apartment. It was kind of like walking to my own funeral, knowing that I was going to die and accepting that fact. It made me depressed.

Matt grabbed my hand and led me back to one of the two rooms. He shut the door behind him and took off his shirt in one swift movement. "How old are you, Mello?" he asked while walking towards me.

I backed away a little; I ended up sitting on the bed. "Seventeen."

"You look a lot older…seeing as how all you wear is leather."

"It's what I've always worn."

"It's fucking terrible…you look so damn irresistible."

My brain was frantically searching for something to avoid this situation. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath. "I'm a virgin."

Matt stopped his approach on me and tilted his head. "You're lying again."

"I'm not." So I was lying. But maybe if I told him that, then he wouldn't be so apt to jump all over me.

He thought for a few seconds then placed his hands on the bed, one on each side of me. He looked me in the eyes and bit the side of his lip. I stared back with no expression. Then, shaking his head, he stood back up and scratched at his skull with both his hands. "_Gahhhh_! Goddamnit, now I'll feel like an ass if I do anything…"

Bingo. The idiot had a conscious, albeit a really pitiful one.

The mood suddenly went from black to white and my heartbeat slowed down. I felt like I was in the safe zone. Lying was defiantly a good thing sometimes.

He sat on the bed beside me and fell backwards, sighing heavily. "I wouldn't have pictured you being a virgin…"

"So you're saying I look like a slut?" I asked, anger seeping into my tone.

He sat back up and leaned in towards me. "Naw. You're just way too hot."

I glared at him. "You really make me sound like I'm a fucking girl."

"I'm sorry, Marshmellow."

When the hell did he come up with these nicknames…?

"Well I suppose I can learn to wait. If it's for you, Mello. Though I'd much rather have sex first and ask questions later..." I narrowed my eyes and he continued, "But, apparently that's not how you roll. Jesus, guys are so much harder to deal with than women…"

"So go find yourself a girl…" I mumbled.

He grabbed my chin and locked eyes with me. "I don't want a girl. I want Mello."

Maybe…Matt wasn't a complete asshole…just maybe.


	6. Make me forget my name

**A/N: Heyyy! Been awhile, yeah? Sorryyy! I've been...lazy and busy playing the new kingdom hearts game, haha. I don't have much to say, I'm just glad I wrote more to this. Small yaoi scene in here, but nothing crazy. Savin' that for later! Hey, you guys should let me know if you've got any ideas. I feel like all I'm writing is filler! Hope you enjoy though! xP  
**

**White Noise-  
**

**Chapter Six; Make me forget my name**

* * *

Enough was enough. I had just about fucking had it. No more Mr. nice Mello.

I used the palm of my hand to slap the redhead forward.

"The fu—?"

"You've been playing that fucking game for _five_ hours!" I screamed, eyes flaring.

His head was slightly turned; his eyes blinking widely at me like a deer in headlights. "No need to shout…"

Glaring down at him I said, "I've been asking you every ten minutes if and when you'd be done."

He looked sheepish suddenly. "Really?"

My eyes narrowed. "Really."

"Well shit!" He hopped up from his spot on the ground and suddenly wrapped his arms around me. "You've got my attention now. What is it that you wanna do, Marshmellow?"

I used a hand to push his face away from mine. The proximity was suffocating. "For one, don't fucking call me that. And two, I don't even care. Anything but this."

His sneaky eyes went straight to the bedroom.

My fist went straight to his face.

"_Owww_! Mello!" he whined, cradling his cheek.

"Let's just…go out or something. This apartment smells and I'm bored as hell."

Matt sighed and straightened his posture, staring at the ceiling. "Hmmm…" He pondered for a bit then finally turned back towards me. "I know this one place! We can even drink. No strings attached."

My eyes glared as his sparkled. "…What kind of place?"

A wolfish grin overtook his features. I felt like maybe…this was a really bad idea.

**XxX**

"It's right up here," Matts voice startled me a little but I nodded.

Out the window was a small club, flashing lights and bright neon words. I didn't care to read any of them. The only thing on my mind was alcohol.

That sounded bad.

It's not that I really wanted to drink…just the thought of forgetting all my worries and problems was really tempting. I needed this. An escape. If only for a moment.

I exited the car after Matt did and started walking by his side. As soon as we entered the building two girls came up to us and…attached themselves to the boy beside me.

"Matt!"

"I've missed you!"

"Heyy now, ladies…"

My eyes narrowed and I walked away from him, seating myself at the bar.

"Can I help you?"

My eyes focused on the bartender and I blinked a couple of times. "Can I have a…Mike's hard lemonade please?"

The girl's eyes wandered me up and down; I was really starting to think she was going to ask for an ID. She didn't though, just nodded and went off to fetch me my drink.

In a few moments I felt a hand on my back, which I instantly wanted to cut off.

"Mello…why'd you walk away?"

"Are you going to sit down and drink or stand there like an idiot?"

I heard him huff but he sat down next to me.

The music was annoying. It smelled like perfume.

Was this some kind of whore house too…? The only thing I could hear were a bunch of giggling girls.

A drink was placed in front of me and Matt ordered his own. I quickly began drinking and he laughed beside me. I sighed and turned towards him.

"What the fuck are you laughing at…?"

"You…" he giggled some more, "That's such a girly drink."

I scowled at him. I had nothing to say to such a childish person. So instead I kept drinking. I was planning on getting smashed. I didn't even wanna remember my own name.

Soon I had to order another.

Matt watched as I drank my second bottle.

"You're really going to keep drinking those?"

I nodded and sighed as a girl hugged the redhead from behind.

He regarded her with wide eyes and began talking to her, I became invisible. And for some reason that…really pissed me off. My fingers clenched around the drink in my hand and I reached inside my pockets. I…hadn't brought any chocolate or cigarettes…

Though Matt always had cigs.

They were just barley sticking out of his pocket and I grabbed them, bringing out my own lighter to light one.

He hadn't even noticed.

Of course he didn't.

I was about to take all of them out and brake each one in half. But that was when someone approached me from my side view. It was a man, very tall and a little muscular around his shoulders. He had short blonde hair and a smirk across his face.

When he reached me he rested an elbow on the table and placed his face inches from mine. "Haven't seen you here before. What's your name?"

My nose twitched at the smell of his breath. It was overbearing with the stench of alcohol. I tried backing away a little but my seat wouldn't really allow it.

"Back off," I growled under my breath. I didn't even know if he heard me.

"You're really cute…" he whispered, placing a finger in my hair.

He was so drunk he thought I was a girl…_perfect_.

"Look buddy, I'm not a girl, so get the fuck away fr—"

His hand grabbed my shoulder and he forced me forward so my lips connected with his. Anger flared inside of me and I used my foot to kick him in the stomach.

That was when, finally, Matt realized something was going on.

"The fuck was that?!" he screamed, grabbing a fistful of the guy's shirt.

The guy smiled and punched Matt in the gut. Mine hurt just watching.

A few bottles crashed to the floor and I felt sick. Matt's lip was bleeding. This was so stupid.

"Matt!" I yelled his name and his eyes connected with mine. He managed to kick the guy backwards into a table and he ran after me.

I hadn't even been in there more than twenty minutes and it was already a disaster. I was just cursed. That was the only explanation.

He put his hand in mine and I glared. "Stop."

"Stop what?"

"I'm tired…Let's just—"

His phone rang and I sighed. He began talking on the phone, again in some other language. I wondered for a moment how many he knew, and then I remembered I didn't give a fuck if he knew all of them.

When he finally got off the phone it was already getting dark. I could not believe I had already spent almost two days with this…idiot.

"Did that guy scare you? What's wrong?"

"Well, he kind of kissed me. I don't know if you saw that or if you were too busy sucking face with your little whore friend. Honestly, I don't even care. How about you take us back to the apartment so I can get my things and you can take me home."

He just raised an eyebrow at me. "Look, Mello. Are we going to go through this every time you get pissed off at me or just on special occasions?"

"You don't even have to fucking _deal _with it! Just take me home and I'll be out of your fucking hair, alright?!" I was already mad that I had some slobbery drunk all over my lips only seconds ago and Matt wasn't making this any easier to handle.

"You…" He shook his head but stayed quiet for some time.

I growled and grabbed his keys. "Get in the car!"

Once I slammed the door behind me he just stared at me through the windshield. The more I glared at him the more I wanted to cry and throw everything I could see at his stupid face. I wanted to scream at him. He ignored me in an instant for those girls. Even though he said he didn't want girls. He said he wanted me. But all…all he does is lie.

Tears dripped down my face and I rubbed them away quickly, hoping he wouldn't see. But he did. And he came to my side of the car and opened the door.

My heart sped up when he reached his arms into the car and wrapped them around my neck. "Why are you crying, Mello?"

"I hate you…" I told him, resting my head on his shoulder.

He laughed a little. "Hate me? Whys that?"

"I can't trust you…"

"…I don't even trust me, so maybe that's a good thing."

What a great thing to say about yourself.

I stopped crying and shoved him away. This was all too much to deal with. And I hadn't even gotten the slightest bit drunk.

I placed the keys in his hand and ordered him to drive. He did and then it was quiet. And…I kept thinking. I had to go home that night. Besides…I started school in two days. And I had to fix things with my friends before that happened.

I felt sad and scared. I was afraid to go back home, scared of what my friends would say or think. I hadn't even checked my phone yet, I was sure there were plenty of missed calls and messages from them. They were probably furious at me.

So basically I was going back to a war zone and starting college. I wasn't in any way excited to go home.

But…staying any longer with the redhead was defiantly a bad idea. He was all kinds of wrong for me and the more attached I became to him the harder it would make everything.

I had to say goodbye.

When we reached the apartment there was someone at his door once again. Matt grinned at them and I was the last one into the room. As Matt began selling more drugs I went into his room and began packing up my things. I guess he finished his sales quickly because he was at the door in a few minutes. One arm was placed above his body, leaning onto the door frame, his other in his jean pocket.

"What's all this?"

His stupidity wasn't even really astounding anymore. It was so normal it hardly fazed me. "You're taking me home tonight. Either that or I'm calling a cab."

He looked surprised, his posture changed. "You're being serious…?"

"Of course I am. I start college in two days," I told him, zipping up my bag. His eyes grew as wide as saucers. I don't think I had ever seen him more stunned. "What's with the face?"

"You _can't_ leave!"

I was taken aback by his words. Just what did he mean…?

"I kind of have to, Matt. Let's not be childish."

"You…_can't_ leave…"

It was hard to believe that this boy was older than I was, if only by a few years. He was about as mature as a six year old.

"What part of 'I start college in two days' didn't get through your thick skull?"

It seemed like what I said halted him. It was like he just didn't understand. Why couldn't he get it…?

I sighed heavily and grabbed my bag, hauling it over my shoulder. "Just let me go, Matt."

His eyes narrowed and he stood in front of me. "No."

My face contorted into one of rage and disgust. "_No_?! That's all you can say. '_No_'?!"

He grabbed my wrist and brought me closer to him, staring me down. "You can't leave."

I groaned loudly, fighting in his grip. "Would you stop saying that?! I'm sick of you!"

"You can't."

"Fucking watch me, you asshole."

"I won't let you."

"I'll call the fucking cops!"

"No you won't."

"_Arghhh_!" I kicked him in the shin and he buckled a little. "Fuck you! Leave me the hell alone!"

"Stop_ fighting_ me!" he screamed and my eyes went wide. "That's all you do! If you would just calm down for two fucking seconds and listen!"

"Listen to what? You're childish drabble that pisses me off? Hell no! I won't!"

"You like me, Mello. I know you do. If you didn't you wouldn't have come here with me."

"No! I hate your guts!" Somehow I was crying in my rage. I fucking hated crying.

"No, you don't," he told me calmly.

I closed my eyes tightly and felt the tears stream down my face. He was right…slightly. Sure, I liked him a little. I liked his stupid smile and the things he said. But I think I hated him more than I liked him.

So instead of fighting anymore I just collapsed on the ground, sobbing.

He let go of me and I placed both my palms on the ground. It felt dirty. I felt dirty. I felt ashamed and confused and scared. I didn't know what to do.

Matt knelt down next to me and I could smell the cigarettes on him. It was as if he was smoking one right then. He placed a hand on my shoulder and I instantly swatted it away. "Go away…" It sounded like I was on mute. I could hardly hear myself.

He sighed above me and then after a while he stood up and left, closing the door behind him.

I was…being held captive. I was being forced against my will to stay with someone I hardly knew. What if I missed my first day of school? How would that look? Would they kick me out? Would I have to explain myself to them? What if he…never let me leave…?

Turning to my bag I ripped it open and pulled out my cell phone. With a deep breath I turned it on and watched as the messages and missed calls came flooding through.

**"Mello? Where are you? What happened?"**

** "Dude, what the hell is going on?"**

** "Are you okay?"**

** "Hey, what's up?"**

** "Is this some kind of joke?"**

** "Light is really angry…"**

** "Please just talk to me, Mello. This isn't going to go anywhere if you just keep ignoring us."**

** "If you even care you'd answer."**

** "I've seriously had enough of you."**

** "Hope that redhead and you are getting along. Never really thought I'd have to text you but I just wanted to let you know that you're quite the grade A asshole, sincerely, Near."**

** "Near said you ditched us for that guy…how could you do that Mello? I really needed you…things are falling apart without you here…please answer me."**

**"I guess you really don't care…I miss you though…we all do. Light and L…I think that they are together now. I can hardly stand looking at him anymore. I wish you were here, I'd feel so much better…"**

My heart was throbbing in my chest. My stomach was in knots.

I really was a grade A asshole just like Near said…

My friends would probably never let me live this down…maybe I'd have to start all over.

And it was all because of him. He did this to me.

No…I did this to me. He just helped. I was the one who decided to leave them. I was the one who fucked everything up. If I could have just said no and…just _stayed_…

I had to fix things. I had to make everything right again.

I quickly dialed Misa's number, I figured she would be the best to talk to; at least she wouldn't hate me…probably.

It rang a few times and then she answered. _"Mello…? That really you?"_

"Yeah…Misa I'm…" I was crying still, my voice was overcome with the sound of tears. "I'm so sorry, Misa…"

_"What happened? Is everything okay?" _

I knew she wouldn't hate me…thank god.

"Not really actually…" I glanced around the room, afraid that Matt would come in. "I…I left with that guy, and he…he won't let me leave."

There was a pause and then, _"What do you mean by that?"_

"I told him I had to leave. We all start college in two days! But he…he keeps saying I can't leave. That's all he says, Misa. I think I like him but I can't…goddamit, I can't stay here anymore!"

_"Should I call the police? Tell me what to do, Mello. I want to help you."_

I sniffed a little and answered. "Even…after I ditched you…? Even after everything that's happened?"

_ "Of course. You're my friend, Mello. It doesn't matter what happens. I care about you."_

I was overwhelmed with her kindness. For some reason it was strange to hear from her. Usually I just thought of her as the dumb blonde in which I could get some laughs out of now and then. But right then it was as if she was the savior I desperately was hoping for.

Again I glanced around the room. I don't really know what I was searching for. A way out maybe…I wanted all of the confused emotions inside of me to just take a rest. I wanted to see things clearly, like I usually did.

But for some reason…nothing was coming to me.

_"Mello?"_

"Yeah sorry I…" I bit my lip and wiped a few tears from my cheek. "I think you've already helped me, Misa…"

_"I have…?"_ she asked.

"Yes. Is it okay if I call you when I get home? Maybe we can hang out for a bit. I'd like to talk to everyone…"

_"Mello…are you sure you're going to be okay?"_

I nodded but then realized she wouldn't be able to see that. So I said, "Yeah."

_"Can I call you back in a few hours? Just to be sure?" _

I smiled. "Yeah. That'd be fine."

_ "Okay. I'll see you soon then?"_

"Of course. Thank you, Misa."

_"You owe me big time, Mells. Just so you know,"_ she said with a slightly sly voice.

"Oh, I know…"

_ "Good! Bye!" _

She hung up and I put my phone away and stared at the door.

I felt determined suddenly. As if Misa had given me the strength to stand up for myself. I was so glad I had called her.

I had had enough of Matt's bullying. It was time I did something about it.

The door opened loudly and of course the idiot was sitting on the floor again, cigarette hanging out of his mouth and game controller in his hands.

He turned a little when he heard me open the door. "Were you on the phone in there?"

"We need to talk." I walked over to him abruptly, taking a stance by the TV. I eyed the power cord sticking out of the wall and quickly unplugged it before he could have a say. His eyes twitched and I smiled. "Now that I have your full attention there are a few things I'd like to say."

"Hell of a way to start, but uh…go on…" It looked like he was holding in his rage. It made me want to laugh.

I crossed my arms and made eye contact with him. "First of all: I'd like to say that I am not your play thing and never will be. I am not something that you can just order around and bend to your stupid whims. Secondly: I believe that I told you I start school in two days. My school is in my home town, which is about an hour drive away from here. I see a few problems with that. The fact that I am here and not there is defiantly one of them. Now, regarding my former attempts to inform you, thirdly: I will not ever be told what I can and cannot do. You need to understand that soon, or else things are going to get really fucking ugly. I'd like to end on the note that I will be leaving shortly whether it applies to your will or not. Any questions?"

The cigarette in his mouth slowly fell into the ashtray on the floor. His mouth dangled open slightly and the look on his face was just comical. It seemed like I had finally won against him.

"Uhh…yeah, I've got a question?"

"Indulge me."

"Why do you want to leave so badly?"

My eyes grew wide but then I narrowed them. "What kind of question is that? After everything I just said, that—"

"You can just live with me, you know."

I laughed harshly. "That's insane."

He shrugged, finally picking up his cigarette. "Not really. I just offered you free room and board. And free love!"

He was ultimately the stupidest person I had ever fucking met.

"You seriously need to think about what you're saying…"

"I've thought about it plenty," he said, puffing on his cigarette, "Living with you'd be awesome. Sure you've got a few quirks—"

"OH_ I've_ got quirks?!"

He slapped a hand to his forehead. "Sorry, sorry. I didn't mean that to be offensive I just…gahhh…" Scratching his head and said, "I'm really confused about everything right now. All I know is that I want to spend time with you, no matter what. I just want to get to know you better. I like you a lot, Mello. And I think that I'd really like you even more if we stayed together."

"You just want sex."

"Not true."

"You're such a liar!"

"Yeah well, you're a drama queen!"

"I am not! You just piss me off!"

He was standing up, inches away from my face. "Cause you can't accept that you like me!"

"Because I DON'T!"

"YES you DO!"

"_Shut up_!"

His hand wrapped around the back of my neck and he pulled me forward. Our lips connected and I couldn't think anymore. I wasn't mad or sad or scared. I couldn't even tell what I was. It was like everything just fell apart. Like nothing mattered anymore. I didn't even care…

His tongue parted my lips and a warm sensation filled me. I loved feeling like this. But I didn't understand how he could just quell me so easily.

Both our mouths were open, out breath hot around us. It was foggy and hot. For some reason I wanted more of him. First his hands stayed on my hips but I figured he got bored of that quickly because they shifted to the back of my pants. One slowly slid down past my underwear and his rough hand grabbed my ass tightly.

My wretched throat made a small noise that I couldn't hold back. I bit my tongue after that and used a hand to push him away. Obviously he didn't move much. "That's…enough…"

"All I wanna do is touch you," he said in a husky tone.

My lips tumbled and he nuzzled into my collar bone, biting the flesh there. My heart was about to burst. Whenever he so much as moved a finger I could feel it and it sent chills all over my body. I was starting to…actually like it.

He began sucking on my neck the hand in my pants was ghosting further downward. It was all I could do to try to not moan any louder.

"Mello…?" he said my name suddenly, licking my neck.

I took in a short breath. "What…?"

"Can I…do something for you?"

My heart was beating like a drum. I wasn't totally sure what he was going to say but I had a strange feeling I wasn't really going to be up for it.

I didn't answer. So he picked me up and placed me on the couch. My mind was swimming in thoughts and questions about myself. I tried hard to push them away.

Matt's eager hands went for my pants zipper. I swallowed thickly.

His eyes went to mine and I just…laid my head back. What was the point in stopping him now? Did I really not want this? Did I really care at all either way…?

I hated him.

But I loved this.

He slipped my pants down and smiled at me. "Can't believe you're just sitting there like that…"

"Shut your mouth or I'll punch you."

"Yes sir, Mello."

Before I knew it, he had his lips around me. If I had thought that kissing him made it difficult to think, then this was a whole other ball game. My gut was burning with fire and my hands were clenching the fabric on the couch. It was amazing…just…amazing. Even if it was…really weird at the same time.

I hadn't had a blowjob in hell knows how long…and Matt gave new meaning to the phrase.

My hips couldn't help but shift forward, the redhead held them down with one hand, the other was stroking me along with his mouth. The heat was almost too much to bear. I didn't think that my breathing could go any faster.

I had long since forgotten to keep my moans in; instead I was letting them out, most sounding strange from my lips. I could feel his tongue running up and down my shaft; the way he did it had me forgetting who I was. When he started to move faster I couldn't hold it any longer.

"Matt…I…" I could hardly speak. I closed my eyes and clenched my teeth.

He didn't move though.

I came and it was amazing.

When he pulled back he looked at me and smiled.

And my heart sunk into my stomach.


	7. Fate?

**A/N: TIME SKIIIIIIIIP! Small skip in this chapter. Well, kinda small. Depends on how you look at it, lol. There's a plot in here somewhere, I just know it! I've been thinking really hard about this story and I seem to have some ideas for where it could go. I guess I'm just gunna have to keep writing to find out. :] This chapter is kinda smallish, so sorry for that, but I couldn't really add much more. I wanted it to end there. Well, I do hope that you guys enjoy! :D  
**

**White Noise-  
**

**Chapter Seven; Fate?  
**

* * *

What had I just done…? My…come was on his lip…

I couldn't even look at him.

Closing my eyes I buried my face in the side of the couch and curled in on myself. It didn't help much but at least I couldn't see him anymore.

"Mello…?"

I wished that hiding his face from view meant hiding his voice as well. But obviously it didn't.

"Mello…are you okay? Come on it wasn't that bad, was it?"

_ Just go away so I never have to be this embarrassed again…_

He sighed and I heard him light a cigarette. "I was kind of hoping you'd return the favor…"

"Shut the fuck up!" I screamed, lifting my head enough so he could hear. "I never asked for you to give me a damn favor! Go to hell!"

"You're a brat."

"You're an idiot!"

He grunted loudly and kicked something over, causing a crashing sound to fill my ears. "If you really didn't want it then you should have fucking said so!"

"I fucking hate you! _Shut up_!" There were tears in my eyes; he was making me so angry, with myself and with everything. I knew deep down that this boy and I were never meant to be together. I knew that because of the differences and hardships we both faced just by talking to each other. It was hard enough living life without someone like him in it, with him just complicated my life more than I could ever imagine.

I wanted and needed an escape. This situation was too much for me to deal with.

The smell of smoke invaded my nose and I sat up quickly, fixing my pants.

"What is it now?" Matt asked with a sour tone.

I glared at the ground and then cleared my eyes of any tears. "I'm leaving…"

The air was silent as I walked back into his room to grab my bag. I checked my phone with shaky hands. Misa hadn't called me yet.

I made sure it wasn't on silent and put it into my pocket while exiting the room. Matt hadn't moved from his spot on the couch. He just stared at the TV screen even though it was still unplugged.

Swallowing thickly I waited for seconds…minutes….

He still didn't move. It was like he was frozen.

And for some reason I felt…bad. Like I was the one who had done something wrong and I should…be apologizing. It didn't make any sense for me to feel that way though…did it?

I wasn't the one who was causing all of this to happen. It wasn't my damn fault!

"It's…" He turned towards me, staring at me through those goggles of his. "It's not my fault…I didn't…do anything wrong…"

His face turned quizzical, like he didn't understand what I was saying. And I felt the need to elaborate. "I didn't do anything! This is _your_ fault!" I pointed for emphasis, or maybe I was just so mad and the gesture made me feel a little better. "You're the one who brought me here! You're the one hitting on me! You fucked everything up!"

"How is_ liking_ you fucking everything up? You're making this such a big deal, Mells."

I frowned at him. "Don't call me that…"

"Are you gunna answer me or not?" He leaned backwards a little and took a drag from his cig.

I thought for a moment and spoke slowly. "What is it that you…expect me to do? Just not go to college? Just forget about my friends…? Do you really think I'd do that so easily just for…some guy I hardly know? How stupid do you think I am…?"

"I don't think you're stupid at all, actually."

"So stop treating me like I'm five!"

"You're right, Mello."

I stopped dead in my tracks and blinked my wide eyes.

_ Had I just heard right…?_

He sighed heavily and put out his cigarette. "You're right. This whole thing was just…stupid, yeah? You…you should go home. Make things right with your friends and uh…make something of yourself at school."

It was what I had wanted to hear come from his mouth for what seemed like a very long time. So why…did it leave me feeling empty and so…sick?

"I'm sure that taking a cab would probably be easier right now for you, so…"

_Don't…say that…_

"You win. Just leave when you want."

_Change your mind…this isn't how you're supposed to act…_

"Probably'd be best if we didn't speak after this, right? Wouldn't want to fuck things up any more than I already have."

_Tell me…you're lying…_

He removed his goggles and wore them around his neck to reveal his eyes. They were stony and cold, devoid of any emotion.

The exact opposite of mine.

"Hope you uh…have a nice life."

My eyes were red and sore and I ran out of that apartment faster than I thought was possible. Tears were left in my wake as I ran the streets, my bag was hitting my hip with every step and it felt like a hammer. The only thing I could do was find a bench and collapse onto it, sobbing into myself with all I had.

Why…why was I crying when this was what I wanted all along…?

_Why…? _

**XxX  
**

The cab ride home was long and painful. My heart felt like it was going to burst. Either that or it'd been ripped out. I was probably crying half the way home.

All I had to do was forget…just forget I had ever met someone named Matt Jeevas. Forget about his red hair and green eyes. Those dumb goggles and his striped shirts. I could forget easily…I'd done it before.

But for some reason…this felt so different. Maybe I actually…liked him…just a little.

My phone rang as the drive pulled up to my apartment.

I answered it as I exited the vehicle and paid the driver. "Hey…Misa."

The driver thanked me and was on his way. _"Mello. Glad you answered. How's everything?"_

I sniffed up a few tears and stared up at my small home. "Everything…is so fucked up…"

_"Tell me what's wrong. Did you make it home?"_

"Yeah…I'm home."

_"Are you crying?"_

"A little, yeah…" I walked up the stairs to my home and collapsed onto my bed.

_"Why…?" _

I held in the tears as best I could. "I think…for some reason…I really liked him…"

_"Are you…going to miss him?"_

My eyes watered slowly. "Yeah…probably…"

_"Well Mello…time…heals all wounds…"_ I could tell she was crying too. Not for me…but because she would miss Light too.

And thus concluded my time with the goggle wearing, striped shirted redhead named Matt Jeevas.

Or…so I thought.

**XxX**

**Two Years Later…**

Time was supposed to heal all wounds.

I thought about him almost every night for those two years. And after every thought would be followed by the same old question:

Why…?

Why did I think so much about him…? Someone I hardly knew. Someone I could hardly hold a decent conversation with.

I knew that I had liked him, no matter what I said or did.

And just like I had said I would, I did miss him.

_Why? _

I don't even know…

You're probably wondering what happened with my friends in that time. Well, they forgave me, even though I was almost sure they wouldn't. L and Light actually did get together and have been happily dating ever since. Misa still came around, just not as often as she did before. Surprisingly, she still clung to Light when she was around him. He treated her the same. And Near was still an asshole to me. It was like nothing had really changed much.

I was happy with school. My grades were kept up because I hardly had to study. Schooling just came naturally to me, almost like everyone else in our group besides for Misa who didn't even need it anyways.

I had gotten myself a job working as a cashier part-time. It sucked but it gave me enough money to buy food and help pay off my loans.

Oh and I almost forgot to mention what I was even going to college for…

I was going to become a police detective.

Even though it sounds pretty out of reach and farfetched, it was what I had wanted to do since I was a child. Even though my anger got the best of me most of the times, I was learning to control that and look past my problems. I had to focus on the outcome.

I dreamed one day of running my own secret team of investigators and solving really difficult cases. It was all I wanted to do. And I was working hard to archive my goal.

I felt like nothing could stop me.

Until the day everything got…fucked up again.

**XxX **

Midsummer. It was midnight and I was closing the store. I was tired and groggy since I had worked almost the whole day. Taking off my apron I stuffed it into my backpack and exited the store, being sure to lock all the doors and turn off the lights.

It was quiet outside but warm. I put my long hair into a pony tail and began walking back to my apartment. I never took a cab or anything to work since it was only a ten minute walk. My feet were sore though so I walked a little slower than usual.

I was about halfway home when I heard a noise ahead of me. It sounded like someone punching something. My eyes wandered the area but I didn't see anyone. It wasn't until someone was pushed into my view that I figured out what was going on.

It was a fight.

Green eyes bore into mine as blood spewed from his mouth.

I was almost surprised he was wearing stripes.

I would have walked right into him if the other fighter had punched him a little later.

He picked his head back up and flew full forced at the other guy in the alleyway. I watched in awe and horror as the two fought. All the while I couldn't stop wondering that question again:

_Why…?_

Why was he here…? Why was he fighting? Why…?

What the hell was going on…?

I was certain I would never see him again…I'd been telling myself that for years.

Matt suddenly picked up the other man and slammed him into the wall. "Cough it up. I don't have all day." His voice…was still the same…

The man spit in his face. "Fuck you, man."

Matt punched him in the stomach, leaving the man to writhe on the ground. It was almost too much for me to watch. My feet starting backing away.

The redhead searched the man's pockets and pulled out some baggies.

It was only after he had secured all his goods that he turned towards me.

He grinned widely at me and placed the goggles over his eyes, whipping some blood from his lip. "That you, Marshmellow?"

My heart beat was flying.

I could hardly hear myself think.

All I could focus on…was him. He was walking towards me, slightly limping, placing a cigarette between his lips.

"Never thought I'd see you again, what's it been like almost two years now? Jesus, time sure does fly."

_Yeah for you…I never stopped thinking about you._

He was close to me then. "Wanna go get a drink?"

His clothes were a little dirty and he smelled of cigarettes.

But what choice did I have…?

**XxX**

I sat awkwardly beside him, a couple feet between us. His elbows were on the bar, his goggles on the top of his head.

The whole scene was unnerving.

As he drank his beer I watched him out of the comer of my eye. I had only ordered a soda, I was still only nineteen.

Gasping after his long drink he slammed it back down onto the counter and then looked to me with wild eyes. "You're still sexy as hell, Mello. You're not even in leather today. When'd you start wearing your hair in a ponytail?"

I glared and my face was flushing. "Ever since I started work," I told him flatly.

He grinned and drank some more. Something seemed really…off about him.

"Tha'so?"

"Mhmm."

He started on his second beer. "Tell me things, Mells."

My eyebrow raised and I turned from him. "What…?"

"You know. Like, how's life and all that shit?"

He was defiantly different somehow I just couldn't pinpoint what it was. It was like…he was…_high_…or something.

I brushed it off for the time being and answered his question. "Everything is going great. School is good. And my job is fine."

Yawning, he downed the rest of his second beer. "Sounds like you've got your head on straight."

"I always have." I sounded a little offended but I guess it was just because the way he was talking was starting to piss me off.

It was silent then and I figured it was the best time to ask questions of my own. "Matt…" He looked at me and I looked back down at the table. "Why are you here?"

I heard him sigh. "It's kind of a long story." I waited and he sighed again. "Okay, well honestly I had no idea you lived around here…"

"You don't remember?" I cut in, eyeing him slowly.

He looked confused.

"I told you…I lived in Spring Bridge back when we first met."

He still looked confused.

"I suppose that was too much to ask of you…?"

He scratched his head a little in embarrassment. "Sorry, guess it totally slipped my mind."

_Yeah. Sure._

"But anyways…You know that I uh, sell shit. And well, my boss that I work for now, well he lives down here so I figured; to be in better business, I'd move to where he was. Better communication and shit."

I only nodded and sipped some of my own drink.

"This is really awesome though, yeah? I mean it's been so long. We can actually see each other now since we live in the same area."

My heart stopped beating for a second. I felt it almost stop in my chest. His words…they scared me. This…changed things. Matt was here with me now. That was either going to make me happy, or totally ruin my fucking life.

"I-I…don't know, Matt. We have history and I…I really thought that I wouldn't ever see you again. I've been…doing just fine without you. I can't afford to fuck anything up right now either."

"What, you got a boyfriend or something?" he asked abruptly.

I snarled at him. "No. But why the hell would that even matter?"

"Girlfriend?"

"No!"

"So what's the damn issue?"

"Because…" I closed my eyes together and my fists as well, "whenever I'm around you I seem to fall apart, alright?"

He stopped drinking and looked at me with strange eyes. I swallowed and looked away from him.

_Did I say something weird…? _

"The hell does_ that_ mean…?" he finally asked.

"It means what it sounds like!" I turned my whole body away from him. "It's…already happening…I really can't see you, Matt…I should leave."

Standing up, I grabbed my bag but his hand shot out and attached itself around my wrist. My angry eyes met his. "Let go of me!"

"Stay at my place tonight."

"Are you out of your mind?"

"Please, Mello."

"I said no!"

"Stop shouting, you're causing a scene."

"Then let me go!"

He stood up abruptly and threw some cash on the counter, pushing me out of the building. I was growling and clawing at his hand the whole way.

When we got outside he started walking, his hand still around my wrist.

"You _bastard_! I said let me—"

He kissed me then.

And it was like…nothing had changed.

That warm sensation that I had missed erupted throughout my body. It seemed like it'd been forever since I had felt this way.

Warm hands traveled up and down my torso. I was shivering.

When he opened my mouth with his and began touching his tongue to mine, my eyes started to roll back into my skull. He had total control over me with just one fucking kiss…

His hands were on my back, pressing me further into him, wanting more.

It was all I could do to not collapse into his arms.

When he pulled back I noticed that I was…eye level with him, I'd grown to his height over those two years. It was strange seeing his eyes that closely.

"You've grown, Mello Yellow…" he told me, pressing his forehead to mine.

I sighed heavily, it was shaky. "I-it's been two fucking years…of course I grew…"

"You're not a little kid anymore, huh?"

"I was never a little kid, asshole…"

"So stern…" He smirked and I shifted my eyes to the ground. "Will you stay at my house tonight?"

My head was throbbing with unknown pain. Or maybe it was just the pain I got by being near the redhead. My whole life…was going to turn upside down again. I didn't know if I could actually handle that this time…

I pushed on his chest, urging him away from me. "Please, Matt…"

"Please what?"

"Just…—"

"Mello! Is that you?"

I turned and saw Misa not too far off. What was she doing out so late…? Coming to see me?

I brushed Matt's arms off of me and approached the girl, smiling dully. "Misa, it's late. What are you doing?"

"I called you like a bazillion times, Mells! I just wanted to come over for a bit. We needed to do our nails anyways, right?" She was so cheeky; I didn't even think she had noticed Matt yet.

I rubbed my forehead with my pointer finger. "You make it sound like I'm gay…"

"Stop that frowning! I'm surprised you don't have wrinkles yet!" she poked my forehead after I had moved my finger away. For some reason…at that moment, she and Matt were a lot alike.

I heard said male approach us from behind and my heart sped up.

"Uhm, Mello? Is that guy with you? He's like, totally creeping." Her eyes were slightly narrowed.

"He's…"

"Yeah, I'm with him." Matt stood beside me and wrapped his arm around my waist.

I wanted to stab his side with a knife.

"You…look like, super familiar…" And here it came, Misa's attempt at figuring out who he was. I really didn't want to stand there for hours…

"AHA!" She slammed her fist into her palm and jumped a little. I did too, but it was because she scared me. "That guy! From that Mission Impossible movie!"

I sighed and buried my face in my palm. My head was still pounding. "Misa, he's not some actor. He's nobody. Let's just go, alright?"

She pursed her lips and Matt's grip tightened on me. "Misa can come over my place too, Mello."

I couldn't help but growl out my response. "Like _hell _she can!"

"Mello…?" Misa piped up, she looked a little unnerved.

I had to bring things to a close. I didn't want to frighten her.

Using my heel, I ran it into his foot. He buckled slightly and it was just enough room to let me escape.

Before he could have a say in it, I ran over to Misa and grabbed her wrist. "Let's go."

Matt was glaring but I didn't care.

"Mello!"

I ran with the blonde girl beside me.

"_Mello_!"

_I have to ignore him…I just have to…_

**XxX**

I sat down next to Misa on my couch and handed her a diet soda, basically the only thing she'd drink. My mouth let out a heavy sigh; we had run almost the whole way here. I didn't want to stop for a moment knowing that Matt was somewhere behind me. But then again…another part of me wanted to run right back to him.

"What the hell is wrong with me…?" I asked out loud, cradling my forehead with my palm.

Misa turned towards me and said, "Nothing, Mello. Why would you say something like that?"

I clenched my teeth together in my mouth; a sour taste filled it for some reason. "That guy…you don't remember him?"

"You mean…the guy who looks like Tom Cruise?"

I laughed a little. "How in the hell does he look like Tom Cruise?"

"Well! He's…" she thought for a moment, "he's got those goggles!"

I wasn't about to argue with her. Maybe she was right. It's not like I ever watched movies. "His name is…Matt. He's the one…from the cabins…" The words hurt to say, it was like acid in my mouth, thinking back on those days. I still felt somewhat like a douchebag for ditching everyone back then, I hadn't ever spoken about it until now.

She looked surprised. "Really? That's the same guy?"

I nodded.

"Wow…"

The air was silent and I felt awkward. I probably shouldn't have even said anything…

"Well, maybe…maybe this is fate!" she exclaimed, facing my fully.

My eyes narrowed and I looked at her with confusion. "What…?"

"I mean, c'mon! You see him again, for the second time, randomly. Doesn't that mean anything? Like maybe you were meant to—"

"Hell no," I cut her off, crossing my arms on my chest. "There's no such thing as destiny and fate. Just lucky or unlucky circumstances."

"Yeah but Mello! Just think about it! You told me once that that redhead never really left your mind. And that day when you got back home, you said that you liked him. What if…you gave him a chance?"

_She's gone crazy. _

"I've…" I halted and thought about what I was going to say. I guess…I was thinking that I _have_ given him plenty of chances. But that…that wasn't very true. Basically I just pushed him away before and even now. But it was only because he was so damn frustrating with everything he said and did. How could I ever think of giving someone like that any chances…?

The blonde's eyes were wide as she stared at me. "You…really haven't, have you…?"

I blinked once and then glared at the ground. "No. I haven't."

"Then try! Maybe something wonderful will happen and you'll finally feel like you've found…your one true love…" she grew quiet at the end of her sentence. I knew she was thinking of Light.

I sighed again and shook my head, turning to the girl. "Misa…" I put my hand on her shoulder and smiled. "Sometimes you say the weirdest things…"

* * *

**A/N: Omg I'm down here now?! I just wanted to tell you to look on my profile for a picture that is relevant to this chapter! XD Thanks guys!  
**

**Review please?  
**


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